It's been too long.

Well It's been too long time I've been very busy doing NOTHING! I have soo much on mymind that it would take too long to write it all.
So I guess I'll start with the most recent and that's how I feel/ doing now. I'm up early cooking and getting prepared for church. I don't feel like going but I know that I need to. Lastnight I wanted to go out and didn't have anyone to go out with and I feel like I lost my mind. I started thinking of all the not friends that I have. I'm a loner!! If I come to terms with that maybe I'll feel better. But this turn of events start my CRAZY mind to think all kinds of things, WHY? I don't know! I know that I'm not sucideal anymore, but I tend to think of death more than anyone else I know, and remember I don't know alot of people. LOL! I wonder how many people will be at my funeral? Not my family, their obliagated. Just counting friends, I plan to make a list. And I want to put who can't come. I don't fake friends crying over me with fake tears talking fake shit about what they fake remember about me!!!!!!!
Anyway I feel angry and mad I don't want to be bothered.