It's been awhile....

...and life is good. In that, I can reflect on it more and push past the anxiety and clearly see that. One of the most insidious parts of anxiety is it's self-deprecating and self-absorbing character. Of course, one doesn't fret inward and lose track of what is around him/her out of narcissim, but the post-traumatic stress of the attacks and the adrenal overload simply cloud the judgment and turn one inward to personal demons and frailties.

I feel blessed; TRULY BLESSED, to have worked to get to an area where it is simply a bit easier to see through the fog and despair. God above has been at my side in this journey. Where once I felt ashamed and embarassed to call on him, I now revel in the relationship. Where once I felt like he wasn't listening and that I was unfairly drowning, I have a better understanding that omnipotent power is not linear and of our concept of time. I have clarity that sometimes our trials build who we are and lead us to cool water and peace in Him. In all of this, it has strengthened my faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and has made me a better person overall.

I still struggle. Boy, do I have my days where I struggle. I am still working on forgiveness, as those that have sought to hurt me in the last year has weighed heavy on my soul. I work on patience with my kids, as it is difficult to work on anxiety through physical maladies and disturbances in employment and family life, ALL while being a patient and carefree parent. 

I am human and humans gonna human.

I am just a baby-step forward in the right direction.