It's been a while

Hey. It's been a while since I wrote but we have actually been talking and it's been lovely. 

But for some reason the last week or so you have talked to me less and less and it feels like your slipping away from me again. 

If you agree to meet me I am in two minds whether or not to ask you to marry me, either way I need closure I need to know if my words are falling on deaf ears or not. 

I cant talk to you and ask you over a text message it's not right, but today after me being out of the country for a week you don't reply and that makes me very sad.

I've started having like full body spasms when I think about you because your not a reality and I guess I have to remind myself of that. 

I wonder if you love me still? I guess there only one way to find out. Maybe I can get you to see me on the weekend or next weekend when I know your off on the Friday like myself. 

I tell you I miss you and all you can say is 'I know' that upsets me because you never reciprocate.

when I read my book or watch tv or a film I think of the characters as us so all the women kissing men are you and all the heart broken men are me.

Are you happy? Would you rather I leave you alone? When I ask you say 'no it's ok' that doesn't help me but I can only hope.

I need to either leave the past behind me or bring you in to the future because to be quite frank I'm dead inside by that I mean all I do is think about you and how I love you and how your not here it's my focus and it's unhealthy but I can't shift it until I see you. 

I love you!