It's been a really long time

Well, I have been away for quite awhile and it's weird to be back. I thought to write again in the journal to help with my own inner thoughts again and hope that I oculd sift my way through things I suppose. Well the husband has been away for how wow it will be 8 years in June will it? I remember starting this journey when it was at its' start. I remember feeling that the there was still so much time ahead to face alone. Well alone in the physical sense that I wouldnt' be able to see my husband when I came home at work or cuddle up to him in bed to warm up or to hear him simply say "It's ok and things will get better after a long day of hard work" Now I find myself on the back end of his sentence and soon he will apply and hopefully be accepted for the halfway house in just mere months. I find myself with new worries and anxieties that I cannot simply hide behind anymore. I'll be face to face with them soon. How will he feel sleeping the same bed as me? How will I feel having to share the space with another person again? 

Now I am facing the new struggle of food and looking around the house to feel like it isn't my own. Then I ask myself didn't really feel like it was my own home even before he went away? Not really, though I hope to be able to make this house our home together in a work of love. I guess I am so used to internalizing my emotions and feelings that I am now progressing to use fodo in order to deal with my emotions. I rather deal with the emotions myself being as strong I can't seem to be comfortable on relying on anyone else for emotional support other than my husband. It's one of those things that's like unless you have gone through this than you wouldn't possibly understand what it feels like to not have your best friend and companion with you at all. Soon though we will have our chance to get back to reaquainting ourselves so that we can rebuild our lives together. Craziness right but soon things will be well. ^_^ Until the next journal post lol