It's been 8 month.... I've tried so, hard to put my past behind me.

It's been 8 months since I have been on here. I missed the release it gave when I wrote. My best friend/cousin who I grew up with got into contact with me in April. We were getting super close as if we were back to our old selves... there will always be an awkwardness... you cannot recover 18 months of loss. For the reason we stopped talking or should I say she stopped talking to me. I love her dearly & would choose her over everyone in my life (minus my Husband & children) which tells a lot of how close I have ALWAYS held her to my heart. She is the one and only person who knows 90% of what went on in my life. We share that. With her childhood almost equally saddening. I've been super depressed for 8 months. I have wonderful support at home... just not my own support. I can't shake how I feel about myself. I feel I let myself down over and over. I'm hoping that I started this year on the right foot. Started a diet yesterday... Calorie counting using The (MYDIETNETRIARY APP) hoping that keeping track of what I eat & the amount of water I need to consume each day will help. I have been diagnosed with sciatic (on a scale of 1-10 it averages 5) so, I need to better myself. I'm only 30. I have 70lbs to loose & have given myself a goal of September. I have done it in the past. But, that was the year before my first child... after two kids it's going to be twice as hard. I have set a goal of 1.9lbs a week (to loose). I really have no one to be by my side. Friends, family.... no one. hubby works way too much to say hey after 45hrs a week of work... want to go run...? He would but, I don't want him too.... I wish I had better motivation.... but, I don't. Other than the fact that 2 of my friends have lost weight.... 24lbs and 33.7lbs. What hurts is the one that lost the 33.7lbs I have asked her for 4 years now to work out with me start a program.... it wasn't until her mother in law paid for her program did she start and she didn't tell me until 15lbs in... so boo... not a self esteem boost at all... So, I'm going to make myself the promise to follow through....
 
Fingers crossed!