It's been 7 months and I feel like I am going crazy with the ups & downs.
It's been seven months since Smokey has died. I feel like I am going crazy inside with the highs and lows OR the ups and downs. Most of the time I feel life is good and I am really happy. Then a low hits me and I question everything that I am feeling, experiencing or seeing with my own eyes. What is with all the ups and downs and questioning everything now in my life. I don't get it at all. I am in cloud nine when I visit Lisa & baby Tyson. I look at Tyson and there is so much unconditional love for him. It is an absolutely undescribable feeling that I have for Tyson. It just comes out of my body naturally. I spent six glorious hours with Lisa and Tyson today. I would not trade my time with them for anything. After that my brother Don takes me out for dinner. It's when I am starting to question everything that has happened to me for the good or bad. I think my heart is open for a new relationship in one minute and the next minute I am doubting if I will find anyone ever again. No one can replace Smokey. It will be someone different from Smokey but not too different. Lisa just called me. Her and Grant are fighting and she is going to spend the night at my place. This is a first. Wow! I will talk to everyone again so by for now.
Replies
This ride is definitely like a roller coaster... I think you need to relax, if someone coming into your life was meant to be, it will be. Just give it time.
These milestones do make us stop and take stock. Don\'t push yourself into anything and don\'t second-guess yourself; it sounds like you\'re anxiously taking your own pulse to see how you\'re doing. I think you should just enjoy the good moments, treasure the love that you feel for your family, and the rest will just keep unfolding in its own time and as it will.
Wow, indeed. I hope things are okay with Lisa and that she gets some comfort talking to you and taking a little break. It\'s stressful on a marriage to have a baby! I hope it will all be okay.
Lots of hugs to you. So much is going on in your life and in your mind that it has to be a little overwhelming.
Gail
I am sorry you are having such a hard time with the roller coaster ride of feelings. At 7 months my emotions were all over the place. At 15 months they have settled down and the twists and turns are not as horrible. I still have ups and downs...they are just not as severe and the downs do not last as long. The best thing you can do is allow all of your feelings. They are your feelings and therefore every one of them is right for you. There is a saying that \"the same cup we drink our joy from, we also drink our sorrow.\" It means that as much as we are capable of loving and \'feeling high\' on life, the same we are able to feel low and therefore terrible lows. I would rather have the incredible joy that I have in my life...even if that means that I therefore experience terrible lows. I would not want to be one of those people that goes around like a zombie not feeling great anything...Just exhisting on this earth.
And yes, babies are the BEST! They give us hope for the future because they are here and it is their future. It reminds us of the seasons of life.
Sending you lots of hugs..
-Diana