It's been 7 months and I feel like I am going crazy with the ups & downs.

It's been seven months since Smokey has died.  I feel like I am going crazy inside with the highs and lows OR the ups and downs.  Most of the time I feel life is good and I am really happy.  Then a low hits me and I question everything that I am feeling, experiencing or seeing with my own eyes.  What is with all the ups and downs and questioning everything now in my life.  I don't get it at all.  I am in cloud nine when I visit Lisa & baby Tyson.  I look at Tyson and there is so much unconditional love for him.  It is an absolutely undescribable feeling that I have for Tyson.  It just comes out of my body naturally.  I spent six glorious hours with Lisa and Tyson today.  I would not trade my time with them for anything.  After that my brother Don takes me out for dinner.  It's when I am starting to question everything that has happened to me for the good or bad.  I think my heart is open for a new relationship in one minute and the next minute I am doubting if I will find anyone ever again.  No one can replace Smokey.  It will be someone different from Smokey but not too different.  Lisa just called me.  Her and Grant are fighting and she is going to spend the night at my place.  This is a first.  Wow!  I will talk to everyone again so by for now.