It's all so connected..
I have had a rough time lately; I know what I need to do but for some reason I am resisting doing it.... yet this addiction - when it has you in its control, is so connected to our self esteem.. It's amazing when I wasn't gambling how great I felt about myself - not really great, I guess but good - and a healthy self esteem. However, now I feel like a big loser and it affects everything I do. Even my golf - today I played in a match play practice round and the person I played against played his best game; each hole, I felt like I was just a day late and a dollar short type of thing. I started getting really down on myself and the self esteem issues from my past and from the frustrations with gambling and the need to stop came flooding into my mind... wasn't good... - I felt myself going lower and lower. I was still trying hard in the game and giving it all I had, but I just couldn't do it from a mental standpoint. Needless to say I lost the round and it felt like just another way of proving something to myself - - - not sure what, I guess that I can't win... now writing that is tough, because logically I know that's not true, but emotionally - - it comes out. Anyway, I've rambled long enough. One day at a time; JUST FOR TODAY I HAVE NOT GAMBLED AND WILL NOT GAMBLE. Feels good to write that one!Smokeygirl
Replies
Hang in there Smokeygirl things will get better. Good on ya that you tried hard in your golf game, some people wouldn\'t have tried at all, just gone through the motions. You already know you are a winner, cuz your here...like I said, hang in there.
Blessings
Mary
It is amazing how much being an active gambler made me feel like a loser. I really get what you are saying! I am taking it for granted lately how much better I feel NOT gambling. No hiding, no shame, no lies...just for today....I\'m not gambling.
Like Mary said, hang in there. You are worth the effort. It is so worth it to pick up and have another day gamble free, shame free, guilt free.
Love ya!
Dianne
Dear SG, This is all we can muster some days - one day at a time. You are so right, when gambling enters the picture again everything changes.
I don\'t want to feel like that again. Wishing you strength and peace.
xx Suzi
Thank you Mary, Dianne, and Suzi - for your comments and positive wishes - it has made me feel better already knowing there is support out there that can help me again while I battle the monster. :]
Take care,
Smokeygirl
It is amazing how much gambling effects our whole life. Every aspect of life is effected. You have stopped before and you can do it again, they are so right, it is just one day at a time. After a while the days start adding up and before you know it the first months has passed and then the next..... I\'m on my fouth month and it\'s still hard sometimes but I keep telling my self one day at a time. Life does get better and our self esteem just keeps growing. Our golf game improves also.......
Hugs Steph