it's a tricky world huh.....

can't access my email, the machine keeps saying "Something's not right", but we'll keep trying." 

feel like this is the motto that i would wear if i liked wearing T-Shirts.........silly thing, but i only like to wear long sleeved t-shirts in theory but never wear t shirts at all.  dumb stuff that's true.

wait a sec, maybe i'm a story teller, i do have a couple of t shirt dresses.........my my my.......only wear them in summer over my swim suit , but still it is just a very long version of a t shirt.  why am i t shirt averse?  not sure, just am. silly goose admissions that matter not at all.not a whit.

if you could see me right now you would see me doing that thing where you twang your lips with your fingers to signify a nutsy cuckoo cartoon character moment.........now the warner brothers cartoon music is playing, in my head anyway!

the sleep apnea equipment is helping me sleep through the night.  pretty amazing.  friday, saturday, sunday and monday....all through the night.  not gotten up once to visit the loo, which is what i did nonstop before.  huh........wonder if that will last or if my body is currently mystified by the new nightly equipment, they also sent me the equipment for nightly oxygen.  3 liters. so i am now equipmentized to the max.  there is a cannister of oxygen under my bed, one on a stand in the garage, an oxygen concentrator......this bad boy stands by my nightstand, weighs?  um, about 20 pounds maybe?  close enough.  i got a $7 foldable tray from walmart to place over the oxgen concentrator, then on top of the little table rest two long baskets.  the baskets hold  the cpap machine, all the cords and tubes, stencil pads for notes, a gallon jug of purified water, an oxygen finger measuring thingy.....what is that thing called?  being a tidy nutcase i wish this was all encased in a cabinet with a door.  i hate the level of medical clutter.  ugh.

at night i just have to fill up the water holder, push it into the cpap dealy and then turn on both machines.  i don't have it all down pat by a long shot......i got training for all of the equipment by two different people last friday back to back.  a lot to take in with a tired brain.  

i've been dreaming again......that's nice.  first night dream?  went with a big group of pals......a group of say 15  to the theater, i was sitting next to Julia Roberts, we were old pals......she was talking about how she only wears matte lipstick because she feels her lips are too big.....random girltalk kind of stuff.......then she needed to borrow my lipstick as she had lost hers.........do i need to a. get out more? YES. do i need a best buddy to hang with ?  YESSSSS. 

the second night i dreamed that i was back home for a visit, i was a free lance writer doing an article for a magazine.  i was interviewing some high school kids hanging out on (what we called) College Hill (local pizza, coffee shops, misc stores by the university).......someone stole my black shoulder bag.......and that led the story in a whole new direction.  turned out that the kids i interviewed contacted a kid sister to come STEAL my money.  she is the one who grabbed my bag.......but amazingly someone found out what was going on, got my purse back and when i opened my wallet i was really happy to discover 2 $100 dollar bills plus another $32 in cash........why doesn't that happen in real life............finding CASH like that I mean.  that would be so cool!!!!!!!!

i showered, vacuumed and got the dishwasher going.  this almost means i am not a total slug.  love to you and good thoughts for your daily journey.  i am just another lump in the bed most days, but i am trying to be more or less ok about the whole thing of being sick for freaking ever.  somedays i feel i pull it off, the good thoughts i mean.......other days i am quite thoroughly pissed. 

i want an off switch for pain, one for exhaustion and one for the mental slipperiness that comes with these challenges.  i try to aim for the middle......so i don't run mentally hot or cold for too long ever........can't manage too much of those highs and lows mentally, they really drag a spirit into the muck.  i am doing better than last fall for sure.  that was a scary dangerous time and i am glad that it's in my rear view mirror. 

you can always call me at 678-376-9500 to talk, if i don't pick up leave a message including your number so i can call you back.....ok? ok!  i sleep alot still.........a lot like a baby sleeps. but i'm usually around........love ya, later gator!!!!!