it's a little better.......
hello wonder friends,
baby steps can be too big at times huh? things strike ya down and ya can't figure out how to stay upright, let alone do upright. last night i wrangled the sheets back on the bed. i had to stop and sit more than once. i had to rest and rise again & again. i wondered why in blue tangled heaven i was even trying.
silly or not, i feel like i sleep better in cool comfortable cotton sheets. and when i woke i was amazed (and happy) to find that making that bed had not killed me. it had been days since i had sheets on the bed - and at the time the pain & spasms seemed like i had made a big mistake. maybe i am a bucket of bolts & contradictions, but these small things help.........they build up the hope bank. and i need HOPE.
--- need it like air and water.
the side effects (of the medicine) to kill the infection are miserable. it's been a slippery slope. it pours nausea on top of existing nausea and don't nobody do spinny round round upset tummy well. couple that with moody blue sadspells and it's a hard road. i put a pillow under my tummy/abdomen like back in the days of pregnancy. i pray and i hold onto the time when it will get better.
the last blue pill will be when i go to bed Thursday night, Sept 26th. it seems like forever.....give the body a day or three after that to 86 the negative side effects and then i'll start to climb back up the hill.
i am trusting that it will be worth it.
yesterday i found myself out on that narrow emotional ledge.........and it felt pretty scary.
later i reflected on some of the things i've learned........
learned about what i have/what i appreciate when i'm going through hardship/fear like that. i have and i appreciate being in the safe cocoon of this nest. i have the blessing of a sanctuary, which is no small thing. i can cry.......i can write down my sorrow. i can rip up those letters too. get it OUT and let it GO.
after i wrote a letter to me wondering what the point is..........the point of living a teeny tiny life........i had a good old cry. then i told myself to move, to get up, to do anything. to try.........but my body fought back. it said no, even as my spirit ached for yes. so i cried some more. practice makes perfect. so i perfected releasing sorrow. being sick on top of being sick is too much sick.
once i wrote it out and cried it out.......i washed my face with my favorite face wash. it was a small thing, but it's a start. it smells like wonderful citrussy sunshine........so fresh and it makes your face so smooth and clean. dried my face and appreciated the softness of the snowy white hand towel.
my feet were ice cold.....i opened a drawer & pulled out some clean warm socks. what a blessing and they even have little safety speed bumps to keep me from slip sliding away. again i felt gratitude. God nudging me to stay in the moment, to know that to many......a home is a distant dream, warm clean socks not forthcoming, hot water, clean soft towels......all of it is something i can easily take for granted, but many do not have this.....there is no drawer to open.....there is no front door they can close...... we have so much.....even with all that we struggle with......close at hand.
sometimes we have to get real, break it down and get that many of us are completely blessed to have ........we have a home, we have a bed, we have appliances.......we have lights, we have heat and air. we need to remember that what may seem so bleak at mid-day can get better by mid-night.
and sometimes what frightens us at mid-night can get better at the dawn of a new day. we hold on, we find something to appreciate.......we turn off the numbness and pain of hurt and we try to wake up and be in the moment. to embrace ........and count those blessings. it's not easy........when i was growing up there was a country song........
"I beg your pardon
I never promised you a rose garden
Along with the sunshine
There's gotta be a little rain sometime."
It was a hit for Lynn Anderson back in 1973........I was 17........and back then I had little appreciation for country music......but I loved teasing my Dad........my Daddy loved that gal's singing.
little things, smaller than baby steps are helping me get through........i hope little things can help you too.......this low spell can be endured, thanks to prayer, thanks to good friends here......thanks to rest, medicine and time. all things work together to get us through.............thank God for ya'll!
baby steps can be too big at times huh? things strike ya down and ya can't figure out how to stay upright, let alone do upright. last night i wrangled the sheets back on the bed. i had to stop and sit more than once. i had to rest and rise again & again. i wondered why in blue tangled heaven i was even trying.
silly or not, i feel like i sleep better in cool comfortable cotton sheets. and when i woke i was amazed (and happy) to find that making that bed had not killed me. it had been days since i had sheets on the bed - and at the time the pain & spasms seemed like i had made a big mistake. maybe i am a bucket of bolts & contradictions, but these small things help.........they build up the hope bank. and i need HOPE.
--- need it like air and water.
the side effects (of the medicine) to kill the infection are miserable. it's been a slippery slope. it pours nausea on top of existing nausea and don't nobody do spinny round round upset tummy well. couple that with moody blue sadspells and it's a hard road. i put a pillow under my tummy/abdomen like back in the days of pregnancy. i pray and i hold onto the time when it will get better.
the last blue pill will be when i go to bed Thursday night, Sept 26th. it seems like forever.....give the body a day or three after that to 86 the negative side effects and then i'll start to climb back up the hill.
i am trusting that it will be worth it.
yesterday i found myself out on that narrow emotional ledge.........and it felt pretty scary.
later i reflected on some of the things i've learned........
learned about what i have/what i appreciate when i'm going through hardship/fear like that. i have and i appreciate being in the safe cocoon of this nest. i have the blessing of a sanctuary, which is no small thing. i can cry.......i can write down my sorrow. i can rip up those letters too. get it OUT and let it GO.
after i wrote a letter to me wondering what the point is..........the point of living a teeny tiny life........i had a good old cry. then i told myself to move, to get up, to do anything. to try.........but my body fought back. it said no, even as my spirit ached for yes. so i cried some more. practice makes perfect. so i perfected releasing sorrow. being sick on top of being sick is too much sick.
once i wrote it out and cried it out.......i washed my face with my favorite face wash. it was a small thing, but it's a start. it smells like wonderful citrussy sunshine........so fresh and it makes your face so smooth and clean. dried my face and appreciated the softness of the snowy white hand towel.
my feet were ice cold.....i opened a drawer & pulled out some clean warm socks. what a blessing and they even have little safety speed bumps to keep me from slip sliding away. again i felt gratitude. God nudging me to stay in the moment, to know that to many......a home is a distant dream, warm clean socks not forthcoming, hot water, clean soft towels......all of it is something i can easily take for granted, but many do not have this.....there is no drawer to open.....there is no front door they can close...... we have so much.....even with all that we struggle with......close at hand.
sometimes we have to get real, break it down and get that many of us are completely blessed to have ........we have a home, we have a bed, we have appliances.......we have lights, we have heat and air. we need to remember that what may seem so bleak at mid-day can get better by mid-night.
and sometimes what frightens us at mid-night can get better at the dawn of a new day. we hold on, we find something to appreciate.......we turn off the numbness and pain of hurt and we try to wake up and be in the moment. to embrace ........and count those blessings. it's not easy........when i was growing up there was a country song........
"I beg your pardon
I never promised you a rose garden
Along with the sunshine
There's gotta be a little rain sometime."
It was a hit for Lynn Anderson back in 1973........I was 17........and back then I had little appreciation for country music......but I loved teasing my Dad........my Daddy loved that gal's singing.
little things, smaller than baby steps are helping me get through........i hope little things can help you too.......this low spell can be endured, thanks to prayer, thanks to good friends here......thanks to rest, medicine and time. all things work together to get us through.............thank God for ya'll!
Replies
XXoo Ruthie, sorry that you\'re struggling but YOU will get through this. Yes, it does rain and sometimes it pours, then the sun comes out. Have you heard the saying \'it\'s always darkest before the dawn\'? xxoo
Antibiotics just, just, stink! I could have typed out the word on my mind, but chose not to. You know what it is. Sometimes when you\'re really feelng as badly as you are right now, you need to hear nice words.
Pretty girl, lovely mama, happy kids, Annie and Rio, Bruce, warm socks, lowered bills, a car, friends, and the Giver of all. I know the list goes on and on...for all of us. But too much sick, is too much sick, innit? You betcha!
Once you\'re off those rotten pills, I think you\'ll be able to work on getting better....whatever that is in Ruthiedom!!!
Praying for you.....
Don\'t forget also that you have a very important role as kitty mommie! Annie and Rio need you! They pay you back in company and purrs and their silly antics. I\'m sure some days it seems too much but you always have little loving furbabies with you!
Hug hug