it's a hot day and it's exaggerating by foul mood

hehe - sorry I don't mean to complain, it's a hot day

and heat tends to magnify my bad mood. It's my job not

give into it -and to keep at what I planned to do.

This may seem out of left field but I woke up this morning

and felt like I had to change myself to get along in the world to please people and live up to my potential.
There's a back story to it - but I think the crux of what I have learned

from this undermining thought was that I think I would like to live with 

creative possibility in my life and not just the fear and fearful opportunism in my life.

I need to look out for my chances to keep viable financially - but whereas some people

may see me as 'able' I tend to downplay to myself my ability - My mind is so unreliable...

but I don't know. I told someone about an opportunity that I was thinking about and they seemed to chuckle.

Like everyone I am in survival mode and for some reason that kind of pressure - makes me feel I need to change myself. 

I work hard - I try and be as responsible as possible... I should just 'leave it alone' for now. It's my vacation week

and I don't want to make my anxiety and stuff the focus.