It's A Bad Night!
Cutting:
Making a promise is sometimes hard to fill. Yet I'm able to keep promises because I cared enough to make it in the first place! Tonight though... there is something about tonight thats hurting me so bad. I want release and it's eating me alive. I promised I wouldnt cut my skin open and I'm trying so hard to find something to keep my mind off of it. Crafts? No my body is almost shut down because I am too tired. Lay down and sleep? Its only making thoughts race faster. Watch a movie? I've seen them all.
As I am writing I am just in tears feeling like I'm giving up falling in the darkest of pits and I'm fighting hard telling myself I'm stronger than this. Telling myself it'll be okay but right now I can't believe me. I'm trying to breathe but I'm feeling like hopes slipping through the cracks of my fingers.
I'm feeling lonely, depressed, scared, sick, tired, broken, jaded.
I'm snapping a rubberband on my wrist when I feel like I want to cut and find temporary reliease because tonight, I'm lost and afraid and so confused. My hearts hollow yet heavy in my chest!
Making a promise is sometimes hard to fill. Yet I'm able to keep promises because I cared enough to make it in the first place! Tonight though... there is something about tonight thats hurting me so bad. I want release and it's eating me alive. I promised I wouldnt cut my skin open and I'm trying so hard to find something to keep my mind off of it. Crafts? No my body is almost shut down because I am too tired. Lay down and sleep? Its only making thoughts race faster. Watch a movie? I've seen them all.
As I am writing I am just in tears feeling like I'm giving up falling in the darkest of pits and I'm fighting hard telling myself I'm stronger than this. Telling myself it'll be okay but right now I can't believe me. I'm trying to breathe but I'm feeling like hopes slipping through the cracks of my fingers.
I'm feeling lonely, depressed, scared, sick, tired, broken, jaded.
I'm snapping a rubberband on my wrist when I feel like I want to cut and find temporary reliease because tonight, I'm lost and afraid and so confused. My hearts hollow yet heavy in my chest!
Replies
sorry to hear you\'re having a rough time tonight. snapping a rubber band sounds better than cutting. can you find some comfort in knowing that you are a precious and gorgeous young woman who has a bright fututre ahead of her. like yourself enough to realize that you have a great deal of value and that you are loved. xoxoxo
Let me give you some advice. When you are feeling like that do not let your thoughts swirl around in your head because they just get bigger and bigger. Insted write down what you are thinking. If you find your self writing paragraphs or many sentences about a single thought you are doing it wrong. For example here are some of my most common negative thought; I am a failure, nobody loves me, I will never amount ti anything. When you think a negative thought they are short and to the point so write them down that way. Once you have written down your negative thought challenge them with something you believe. So when ever I think \'I am a failure\' I say to myself \'sure I fail at some things that is human nature but I do succeed at somethings like helping my family with computer problems.\' Two things to remember. First, a negative thought is not a question eg why am I a failure. Second make sure that you fully believe the counter argument.
:) Thank you for your advice and support ghur4 and MatthewCA. Those thoughts have gone away when I finally got a tiny bit of sleep. I definatly was having a panic attack :/ Thank you
I am so happy to hear that you slept it away. I don\'t know if you are seeing anyone about your past, future and all the emotions that you hold inside. If you are not you really do need someone or a support group to help you through these hard times. To better understand yourself and to figure out how to cope. I hope that sleeping is the cure but, deep down inside you know the demons will come back and deep down you know sometimes the sandman is to scared to help you. I wish for better days soon for you.
Sometimes it is soooo hard to resist the urge...what i do...and this might seem a little strange..idk but sometimes it works...but when i feel like cutting i picture somebody i really love and i know loves me back (for me it\'s my youngest brother that usually does the trick..he\'s five) walking in my room or bathroom and seeing me cut myself and what it would do to his poor little mind...or if it\'s an adult you know loves you and you love back like your mom or dad or sister...just imagine how much they would be afraid for you...how much it would hurt them....sometimes it does the trick...i\'m glad you slept this urge away that\'s so good! because it can be such a challenge