It's A Bad Night!

Making a promise is sometimes hard to fill. Yet I'm able to keep promises because I cared enough to make it in the first place! Tonight though... there is something about tonight thats hurting me so bad. I want release and it's eating me alive. I promised I wouldnt cut my skin open and I'm trying so hard to find something to keep my mind off of it. Crafts? No my body is almost shut down because I am too tired. Lay down and sleep? Its only making thoughts race faster. Watch a movie? I've seen them all.
As I am writing I am just in tears feeling like I'm giving up falling in the darkest of pits and I'm fighting hard telling myself I'm stronger than this. Telling myself it'll be okay but right now I can't believe me. I'm trying to breathe but I'm feeling like hopes slipping through the cracks of my fingers.
I'm feeling lonely, depressed, scared, sick, tired, broken, jaded.
I'm snapping a rubberband on my wrist when I feel like I want to cut and find temporary reliease because tonight, I'm lost and afraid and so confused. My hearts hollow yet heavy in my chest!