it never seems to get better

It never seems to get better. As the days pass I see myself sinking more and more under water. At the moment I awake, I glance at the pale blue sky and think to myself how the sky always looks the same. Rarely does the color ever change. And as fast as the clouds come in and spread apart from each other, I wish if my life and where I call home would be as still as the color in the sky. With my grandma that I despise so much - moving 2 hours away is fine for me. I just wish she didn't have to sell her house into doing so. So that my family and I would still have a place to call home. She's packed up most of the house and is reacting to this whole life changing situation too fastly. And I wish no one would want to buy this house so we can stay. I wish when I call cousin Eddie's and cousin Jackie that she will co sign her name so my grandma, again, whom I despise so much can go for good and we can remain. It's not the memories now or the memories of when I was in high school that keep this home so close to my heart and emotions. It's my childhood memories. The memories when my cousin's and I use to run around the property across the street and front and back and was never told no to do so much naughty mischief like we use to. My childhood memories are what makes me not wanting to just easily go. I see my poor excuse of a grama take it so easy to leave everything behind. President of two clubs, my grandpa once breathing between these walls, a 40 year residence on these grounds and a 30 year relationship with Manny and her beloved pet buried in the backyard ground. She's easily not even of a pinch is sad to go. It just shows me how cold hearted and robot like to have feelings for the place that she has spent the last 40 years of her life at. She truly is cold to touch. Truly if as goes according to her plans, then I will never admit myself to any family event that has to do with her. Not even her own funeral.