it never ends...and just a check in

i don't know what to do with myself right now.

do i seek the truth about what I am going through - and wrap it up in like a lessoned learned?

or do i just go back to trying to go to sleep. I feel disorganized mentally - I kind of wonder if I am going

to pass away - 

I observed when I got home from work that the whole process of coming back to this house is totally depressing but

I realized I need to stay motivated and do my chores and take care of life. I drill down on things because maybe I am 

or have a nature that does that - It's hard to keep mindful about things. I just feel so messy right now - and feel like

I am in a psych ward, on meds and trapped. I think being gentle with myself and working outside the lines of my schedule

a little bit is ok. Writing this here is like breathing - in and out slowly - and maybe that is just what I need right now.

Breaths.