It never ends...
Update from my last post...
My DD30 actually called a week before they came and told me my email was unnecessary as she and her dh had planned on dividing their time equally anyway! We had a very adult
honest talk and she set a boundary with me...no more emails like that. She said if I had a problem with her, I was to call her so we could talk about it. I was amazed and surprised
at how "adult" she sounded. She, like my oldest a year ago, did everything in her power to divide her time equally this time and I'm sure she could tell how happy it made me. How sad though
that it has taken us this long to get here. Had the divorce never happened, I never would have had to go through all this pain.
But, here we go again...my DD25 flew home today from Maui as her father bought her an airline ticket. I had told her when I was visiting her and my oldest in July that going forward
that if my children didn't stay at MY house half the time when they visit, they simply would not see me and have to consider it just a visit to their father. After 8 years, I have had enough. She used the excust that "DAD bought my ticket", blah, blah, blah...(as he should as HE was the moneymaker of the family, not me). Had we still been married, he STILL would have bought the ticket and I would have had the pleasure of seeing my daughter her entire visit instead of only half the time. I told her I was willing to pay half, but I heard nothing more from her. I texted her 3 weeks ago letting her know what days I could take off work and what nights she could stay with us and...no response. I am saddened by her choice, but accept it as she is obviously accepting mine. I am DONE taking a backseat to their father and am taking a stand I should have taken years ago. Although I know DD25 wants to see me, I won't back down. My new mantra is "treat me fairly or don't treat me at all". She knows I love her and we had a great time when I visited her, but I will no longer accept unfairness from my children. Thank GOD my older 2 finally matured. A friend of mine said once that her mother had always said kids weren't worth a damn til they were 30. I have found that to be true, so just need to wait it out with DD25, but how sad we will be missing out this time...all because she can't be fair. Although I am sad right now, I know in my gut, I am doing what is right.
As someone called divorce...the gift that just keeps on giving...UGH
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Hugs, my friend. Kids usually try to be with the parent that they know are not really there for them. They are trying to make sense of why they are the way they are. They know that they can pick up that phone and call any time of day or night. We will drop everything for them. That is because we care. I told them, that it is later than you think, my darlings. I can feel your frustration and sadness. Be gentle and take care of yourself.
Thanks, Atpeacemary. DD25 and I texted today and I came up with what I thought was a more than reasonable compromise...her spending Friday night through Monday morning at our house. That still gave her father 8 days and me only 2...not even close to equal time. She wouldn't budge and, of course, is trying to make ME out to be the bad guy saying she hopes I can live with my decision not to see her. Yes, I can. SHE obviously can. I can't wait til she turns 30. I've been through too much with my kids and am just old and tired. Just can't do it anymore. I am very sad today, but I should have taken this stand years ago. Yes, it costs me time with my daughter, but it also saves me from heartbreak.