It never ends
It never ends. It never gets better. It never changes.
I'm struggling to keep the balancing act going. I'm sinking with the ship.
I am married to a narcissist. There's not doubt in my mind. (Right now anyway)
I've taken action towards getting my nursing degree. But tonight he told me... If it's just a matter of earning more money, he would just work extra hours. And if I would just be more honoring to him he wouldn't have a problem giving me more money.
I want to pull my hair out!!!! He basically told me I'm ruining his plans of teaching the kids to be more respectful of authority ... If I get a job and can buy them things...then they won't have to be dependent on following his arbitrary rules. In his words... If I get a job and have my own money I am defeating this whole money system he has sat up. I interjected... You system of punishing me and the kids? No denial. He speaks a beautiful talk tho. He wants us to compromise. Make it work. The kids see the dysfunction, and we need to work as a team to parent them. YES YES YES makes perfect sense in theory. He tells me if I don't like his point system then I need to come up with something we can agree on. However, I have been following his point system. Encouraging the kids to do their chores and get things done like dad wants. They're fairly normal chores. Eat breakfast, brush your teeth, make your bed, be ready for school on time. The problem is I can't just "do" the point system. I be sold out to it. In complete 100% agreement that it is an awesome plan. I have to love it ( his actual words... You have to love it). Not. Ever. Happening. He wants to know what we could do different. I'm fine with the point system. Problem is... It's hugely subjective to him and his mood. I gave him an example. This morning the kids were ready sitting nicely on the couch to pray like we have done for over 2 years. Except this morning dad decided to sit at the kitchen table. The kids should have known they were suppose to come to him to pray. No points because you weren't here to pray.
He had every reason under the sun why that was ok... It's the real world. You have to know you have to go to the authority figure. It's how bosses are, and teachers and coaches.
(NO. in the real world if your boss wants you to clean up on isle six and that's not what you usually do... The boss will tell you...clean up isle six. The boss wouldn't expect you to know there's a mess on isle six while your stocking isle 8.)
We aren't their bosses anyway. We are their parents. We need to teach them and guide them. If we want to teach them to respect their boss and go to their boss and ask if they need to do extra... We teach them these things. Not set them up to fail with an abstract example of life. Oh but he is the boss and he would think, expect that are kids should be excited to pray and seek him out. They should know...even tho dad usually (not ever at the exact time) prays with them in the living room.. That since he is still setting at the table at 7:35 that means he wants us to come in there to pray.
I always fall for it tho. His little jabs of insults. He questioned my goals for the kids. Accused me of not wanting to discipline. Of being the big sister not the mom. And it works. I start to question myself start to worry that I am wrong. More wrong.
I'm struggling to keep the balancing act going. I'm sinking with the ship.
I am married to a narcissist. There's not doubt in my mind. (Right now anyway)
I've taken action towards getting my nursing degree. But tonight he told me... If it's just a matter of earning more money, he would just work extra hours. And if I would just be more honoring to him he wouldn't have a problem giving me more money.
I want to pull my hair out!!!! He basically told me I'm ruining his plans of teaching the kids to be more respectful of authority ... If I get a job and can buy them things...then they won't have to be dependent on following his arbitrary rules. In his words... If I get a job and have my own money I am defeating this whole money system he has sat up. I interjected... You system of punishing me and the kids? No denial. He speaks a beautiful talk tho. He wants us to compromise. Make it work. The kids see the dysfunction, and we need to work as a team to parent them. YES YES YES makes perfect sense in theory. He tells me if I don't like his point system then I need to come up with something we can agree on. However, I have been following his point system. Encouraging the kids to do their chores and get things done like dad wants. They're fairly normal chores. Eat breakfast, brush your teeth, make your bed, be ready for school on time. The problem is I can't just "do" the point system. I be sold out to it. In complete 100% agreement that it is an awesome plan. I have to love it ( his actual words... You have to love it). Not. Ever. Happening. He wants to know what we could do different. I'm fine with the point system. Problem is... It's hugely subjective to him and his mood. I gave him an example. This morning the kids were ready sitting nicely on the couch to pray like we have done for over 2 years. Except this morning dad decided to sit at the kitchen table. The kids should have known they were suppose to come to him to pray. No points because you weren't here to pray.
He had every reason under the sun why that was ok... It's the real world. You have to know you have to go to the authority figure. It's how bosses are, and teachers and coaches.
(NO. in the real world if your boss wants you to clean up on isle six and that's not what you usually do... The boss will tell you...clean up isle six. The boss wouldn't expect you to know there's a mess on isle six while your stocking isle 8.)
We aren't their bosses anyway. We are their parents. We need to teach them and guide them. If we want to teach them to respect their boss and go to their boss and ask if they need to do extra... We teach them these things. Not set them up to fail with an abstract example of life. Oh but he is the boss and he would think, expect that are kids should be excited to pray and seek him out. They should know...even tho dad usually (not ever at the exact time) prays with them in the living room.. That since he is still setting at the table at 7:35 that means he wants us to come in there to pray.
I always fall for it tho. His little jabs of insults. He questioned my goals for the kids. Accused me of not wanting to discipline. Of being the big sister not the mom. And it works. I start to question myself start to worry that I am wrong. More wrong.
Replies
You\'re not. He is.
Expecting others to read their minds and getting angry when they don\'t is classic narcissism to me. They feed on that feeling of being powerful when everyone comes to them. Ruining his plans of teaching the kids to respect authority? That makes no sense. What does make sense is that he doesn\'t like that you\'re trying to buck his authority by having your own money. My husband doesn\'t want me to have my own money either. It takes away their power and control. It\'s not you, it\'s him that has the problem here!