it'll gonna be alright.....i promise.......me.

hello world.

i'm up sort of......showered, slightly better than yesterday maybe?  or not.  hard to tell.  yesterday i rallied long enough to take deb the donated shower chair ....we sat on the front porch and my mind was just not there, couldn't think.......not of things to say, i just sat there like an old computer waiting to reboot.  then i thought i should let her go inside and i should go, so i prayed my way over to Kroger's.

it's middle of the afternoon here in Georgia......about a quarter to three.  i'm making lunch ......earlier i had a bagel with a fresh orange.  making sloppy joes on those cute little baby buns, sliders right? think so.

...so i'm walking over to the trash can outside Krogers to toss my empty water bottle in......grocery list in the other hand.......and yup, i tossed the list in the trash and carried the empty bottle inside.  so out i go to see if i can fish the list out of the bin.....ugh.  then i notice a store manager looking my way so i feel the need to explain myself........the why i was bent over with my arm up to my shoulder buried inside the big brown container.......

he had no clue what i was talking about......and my inner wonky sick chick had no idea he had no idea......so yeah, it was sorta stupid on my part, but when he got it he said Ohhhhh, ok, now i see, I hope you feel better, that your day goes better! So he was a nice guy about it......and into the store i went.

somehow a lemon meringue pie made it into my cart.....was it me or what happened there?  right now i'm letting the flavors simmer into the ground beef.....by flavors i'm talking all american ketchup and mustard.  i'll add tiny diced onion and dig in shortly.  so tired, if i keep moving or stop moving under the covers it feels better, but when i take tiny breaks to regroup if feels spacey, screwy, off course and weird.  unwired......maybe that's what it is, we're loose in the universe somehow, gone rogue in the tiredest most unconventional of ways? 

i missed the blood drive and had to write a huge apology to the blood drive lady Christine, she said to come help with the next one......so how kind is she?  i had to tell michelle i couldn't cover the museum shift from 1-4 today.......tomorrow i'm supposed to be at the dentist at noon......oh my goodness.  i'll try really hard cause they need to do a fitting for that partial denture torture device. i have to turn that thinking around and start believing that it will be A GOOD THING, a real solution for my aging mouth.  gotta get past the negative buzzing in my brain.

i closed the trash can lid at the curb.......inordinatelyproud that i made it down the hill and back without using my cane.  then i sat in my outside chair by the garage door thinking I'm an IDIOT, use the cane when you're wonky doofus!

brought in toilet tissue and kitty food from the garage.  yay.  dishes done, dirty cotton in the machine but i'm not turning it on today......gonna wait till there's more to wash.  it's time to eat........too soon to say bye for now. 

sara is going to connecticut for two weeks , she flies out saturday morning.......to step in for a CAMP JAM Counsellor who can't make it.......she already did two weeks at a Georgia Camp Jam last month.......good for her! 

still can't believe i ate that food at that restaurant.......and shot myself in the body so hard.  duh........why did i think i was suddenly invincible? so completely stupidly moronically human of me.......but it's not just the food that landed me here, it's all things autoimmune and i knew it would come for me.  twenty plus years has taught me that we can run but cannot hide.....all we can do is lean in and have faith .......and i appreciate that faith so much.  how scary and lonely would this world be without this absolute faith in my creator be? 

in the meanwhile someone is coming to pressure wash Sparrow Cottage on Monday......they will do the house, the driveway, the sidewalk, the front porch and the back patio.........so excited to see everything clean and BEEYOUTEEEFULL.........the guy,named Mike, has given me an incredible deal to get things ready for whatever comes next.....selling or waiting........and then next up someone will have to come and paint the porch trim, but that's a worry for another day or five or ten.

love you so much........praying for you...........soft hugs all the way round your neck from my arms.......you're the BEST!