IT JUST IS
I WAS AT MY GRANDSON GAME ,O I LOVE HIM SO MUCH, SITTING THERE WITH THE SUN ON ME AND THE BREEZE AND THE TRESS AND BLUE SKY , THEN WHY DO I FEEL SO SAD I SHOULD BE HAPPY ,BUT O IF YOU ONLY KNEW HOW MUCH OF THIS PAIN I CAUSED MY SELF, I MISS MY LIFE ,MY CHILDREN THE JOY I ONCE HAD ,PEOPLE CALLED ME SMILELY BECAUSE I ALL WAYS SMILED, BUT NOW I AM ALL WAYS SAD O I CAN ACT PRETTY GOOD, FOR OTHERS, BUT EVERY THING I LOVE IS TAKEN FROM ME, O I APPRECIATE WHAT I DO HAVE , I FEEL SO WEAK AND HELPLESS, I CAN NOT BRING ANY THING BACK AND THIS IS WHAT IT IS, I TRY SO HARD TO LIVE THROUGH OTHERS LIVES, I WATCH A LOT OF MOVIES MAYBE 20 A WEEK BECAUSE I LIVE IN THOSE MOVIES ,THEN I CAN FOR GET AND SOME TIMES THE PAIN GOES AWAY FOR AWHILE , MY UNCLE RON PASSED TODAY ,THE LAST BOTHER OF MY DEAR DEPARTED MOM,I HAVE NOT HAD A MOM FOR 50 YEARS OR A DAD ,I HAVE NOT HAD A DAUGHTER FOR ALL MOST 9 YEARS, I MISS HAVING PEOPLE AROUND IN MY LIFE THAT REALLY CARE , MY MOTHER REALLY CARED MY DAUGHTER REALLY CARED, SOON MY GRANDSON WILL GROW UP AND HE IS THE ONLY LIGHT IN MY LIFE , YOU HAVE TO KNOW THE STORY OF MY LIFE TO UNDERSTAND, IT IS WHAT IT IS.
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DEAR SWEET PEA I BELIEVE GOD IS NOT GOIN TO LET YOU DOWN...IN THE END IT WILL MAKE SENSE IN A WAY WELL UNDERSTAND I DONT LIKE THE WORD COMPENSATE BUT GOD WILL MAKE THINGS GOOD FROM THE PAIN YOUR ENDURING. YOU ARE A SLODER AND I KNOW SLODER GETS TIRED BUT GOD IS GOING TO SEE YOU THROUGH ALL THISAND WE ARE GOING TO DANCE WITH OUR CHILDREN AND MOMS ETC PLZ BELIEVE HONEY PLEASE BELIEVE, HAVE THE FAITH THE SIZE OF A MUSTARD SEED. SOMEDAY I HOPE TO FIND A MUSTARD SEED NECLACE ON LINE AND ILL BUY ONE FOR YOU AND I AND WE WILL TEAM UP AND WITH OUR FAITH COMBINED WE WILL SEE BLESSING SHOWERS OF BLESSING. YOU SMILE ONCE FOR ME TODAY AND LETS PRAISE GOD FOR MAKING US SISTERS. i LOVE YOU LADY AND THATS THAT. YOUR STUCK WITH ME.
YOUR LIL SIS
Leslie
I\'m sorry. I have both of my grown kids temporarily in my house, and I often feel so alone. Especially at night. I\'m stay awake all night and I\'m the only one up during this time. I used to love it, I could work on my crafts all night. I wonder anymore if I will ever get myself together enough to make another dream catcher or piece of jewelry.
I truly wish things were different for you. She seem like a great lady.
Hugs! Jeanne (AmiaEagle48)
I know this sounds kind of trite but I live by the saying \"Every day is a new day\" If it sucks today it might be a whole lot different tomorrow. If you can, try to focus on good memories and not how much you miss people. My brother who was my age 48 died unexpectedly in March. I could mourn him with sadness but I am channeling the emotion into living more boldly like he did. He is my constant companion and always a voice in my ear. It is true that when you can\'t find consolation for yourself it helps to do something for someone else. You are wonderfully supportive on this site and their are other lonely people in the world who would love to have your company. Please try to get out a little. Communicating on this site is great but there is benefit to interacting with the world. I know you have pain in your body but there are many ways to contribute where you can sit down.
And please please spend no more time on guilt or coulda woulda shoulda. Every situation has a lot of moving parts and it is rarely the fault of one person when something goes wrong. God never intended for us to have that kind of emotional pain. You are good, You are beautiful. You are loved. Don\'t live your life through others live it with others. We have a job to do on this earth which is to live like Jesus did. You don\'t have a Mom or Dad bu there are wonderful people out there like Mom or Dad who would love company. You lost your daughter maybe there is a young lady who lost her mother who would love your company. Trust in the Lord and he will lead you to someone who needs you.
Love Kerry
I\'m sorry for your loss. I know and share your feelings about life. The wife and I had a great life. I had a job I hated but gave me money and satisfaction of working. We would go to bird fairs every once and a while. We would go out to eat like 3 times a week. Now I can\'t do any of that. Riding in a car makes me dizzy with head pressure. Sitting up straight in a chair makes me dizzy and get head pressure. Restaurants are just bad. We would go see a movie out every once in a while. We can\'t any more. It makes my head pressure and dizziness come on. I can only lay down or recline. I\'m going to the doctor at the end of the month. Every day I have had 1 or 2 attacks were I get real dizzy and very bad head pressure. I get those from doing nothing but what the doctor tells me to do. I have faith this will come to pass. I just wish it was sooner than later. I can\'t even say my life is a shadow of what it was. Its more like a broken car. You look at it. It looks great. You get in all nice. You try to start it and it won\'t. Thats my life. I\'m in your boat.
Jim
Loss is hard but it sounds like you are giving out good karma with your grandchild .i firmly believe there is happiness and an abundance of life in your future.Just hang in there...Hugzzz
Sorry for your loss of an uncle & your lovely, daughter Denise
Dear, dear Squarely, you sound like you are really at a low point. Please remember that highs and lows come and go, although I know that doesn\'t help much right now. Watching so many movies each week (I\'m a movie buff, too) be sure you choose upbeat themes. Movies and books we take in can strongly affect our emotional state. I know I have to be a lot more careful about what I watch and read since I got Meniere\'s. And like Kerry, I encourage you to find some way to be in the presence of others more, and to do some sort of volunteer work. With volunteer work, you can find a situation where it will not be a problem if you don\'t show up. I know Smiley is still in you...because you give so much to all of us here. It really sounds to me like you need to do something in the world that will remind you of your value. It\'s easy to lose track of that when dealing with all that you are. I recently started volunteering. Just 2 hours a week. All I do is write notes. I know your situation with your Meniere\'s symptoms is pretty challenging for you to do very much. But I\'m convinced that if you look on line, make some phone calls, and talk to some volunteer groups, someone will need your help no matter how limited it may be. Your church is another great option, if you are involved there. You don\'t have to do much to start feeling a sense of your own value again. Like I said, I do 2 hours a week and it has made a huge difference for me. I wish you could see what others see in you. You are one we can always count on in this group to be there with an uplifting, caring message. Others in the outside world would really benefit from your presence as well. You have lost a lot, but you still have a lot to give, and there are those out there who need that from you. Please be kind and good to yourself. If I were there I would give you a big hug.
I\'m so sorry for your loss.. Yes, it\'s so very hard. A lot of my mom\'s sisters and brothers are now gone. All of my dad\'s are. It\'s sad....
I have a feeling that your grandson will be VERY close to you forever.
Love and hugs to you ...
Dear Shirley, i am keeping you in my thoughts, prayers, and in my heart. i\'m so sorry and saddened for your losses over the years. it\'s very sad, losing a loved one, and also when we have times when we experience lonliness. it\'s a very rough feeling to overcome. i want you to know, we all will always be here for you, anytime you need too talk, whether it\'s a hug, message, or a nice card, we\'ll always continue to keep you surrounded by love, care, and support. Your friendships are very special to us, and you are one of the most nicest, and sweetest people i know. :) You have a heart of gold. :) our loved ones that have passed on, they are forever in our hearts. their spirits shine, the memories bring warmth to our hearts, and we all continue to have eachother, to help through the sad times, and lonely times, we all have eachother. :) We love you friend, and we care about you, and your family. :) we are sending lots of love, many peaceful healing prayers, and comforting hugs
I know of what you speak of... I, too feel adrift from not having many relatives. I am so sorry for the loss of your dear Uncle Ron. It can be quite lonely when we\'re surrounded by what seem to be Hallmark card families --especially during the holidays... BUT thankfully, mercifully, we will all be part of a huge family reunion one day and we\'ll never probably even care to remember these days...! Love, Donna