it just goes on and on and on

What the hell has happened?
Her last words. Try as I might, I cannot remember the last time we spoke. Why can’t I remember? She deserves better than that.
Every day is the same, I try to keep busy but all I get done is more crying.
 
Did I really do all I could? How did I let it happen without more of a fight? Why was I so afraid to cry in front of her?
I am still here and she is gone? Shouldn’t it be the other way around?\
New normal. They tell me I will find a new normal. A new normal scares the hell out of me. A normal that is alone, is not a place where I want to be. Never again will I hold the one I love.
Can I please have just one day without tears?
The emotions of a single hug are too much to bear. How can I have so much emotion wrapped up inside me? This should not be.
Every day, Every day, Every day I cry and I cry. Where do I go from here? I am running out of the energy t do this.
Maybe I need to pull away from everything and everyone. What will become of me?