It has been a while
Being able to journal here helped me thru some trying times a decade ago after my perents passed away.
I am now having another bit of emotional trauma happen in my life.
My developmentally diabled sister who has been doing well lliving on her own with asisted livign for the last decade has taken a turn for the worse in the last year. Starting with health problems, a change in her routine, and the company that was caring for her, who have botched manythings causing her more trauma, and now further mental problems, and an eating disorder/ She has been being cared for thru the state social services, but they no longer say they can help her while she is living in her own home, and want to place her in another facility.
This is heart breaking as she has lived in our family home for her whole 57 years of life, and it is the only stable thing she has.
It is unfair to take her out of her home. Her quality of life is going to be completely shattered. If she were truly unable to notice a difference then I'd have no problem with this decision, but she is still lucid at times, and she knows where she is. She just has problems feeding her self now, and doesn't want to eat much. I understand the worry about her health, but I do not understand why it cannot be taken care of in her own home.
I feel that taking her out of her home and away from all the things she knows and loves is going to destroy her will to even live.
I do not know what to do.
Replies
It is tearing me up talking to my sister who today was in great form, understanding everything I said and speaking clearly herself.
She is in the hospital still from the social workers sending here there saying she was possibly dehydrated and weak form not eating. She has not be found to have either of those problems, but while there they decided to cancel her in home care and are looking for a place to put her elsewhere than her own home.
What gets me near crying is her saying things like she can't wait to get back home again, and me knowing she may ever be able to go there.
It is not fair. She doesn't deserve to have her whole life taken from her.
If she is moved out of her house, our family home. We can't let it sit empty. I am going to have to move in to it in order to keep it maintained. I like the house that isn't the problem, but I have lived where I am for the last 26 years and I have always just wanted to be able to stay here and be left alone.
Moving ans a large anxiety, and there is no where for me to put my stuff. I will have to get rid of a lot of my parent's and sisters stuff to make room for it. It is such a big hassle, and problematic.
Also, I think my brother will be coming over too often, bothering me. I will never know when he is going to come over and barge in. I will not be able to relax and feel secure.
I do not want her to have to leave her home. I would do anything to get them to let her stay there, but if she has to be taken away, I will be forced to move in to the house. I like where I am. It is mine and mine alone. I can be myself and have no worries of intrusion, or fear here.
It is no only my sister, but my life that is being upturned. Not only do I have to deal with the emotional trauma of my sister losing her home and way of life, the emotional baggage that my brother is likely to heap on me, and the intrusion into my life it will bring, but I have to change my own life, and neither my sister or I like change.
I do not want to move.
Once it is done I will feel get better, tho it will mean months of anxiety, and then having to deal with my brother so that he won't intrude on me and bother me.
Oh, and my car's maintenance required light just came on.
This is all after the culmination of a 7 months long battle with my sister's care takers who finally back in December decided that she did need 24/7 care, but never got enough hours to cover it, This is because she has pneumonia last year and is now on oxygen so someone needs to be there at night only to make sure she doesn't take the oxygen tube off while sleeping. She has also had on and off difficulty sleeping probably, sleep apnia.
On April 1st, they were supposed to finally be starting 24/7 care but on that afternoon I was called and told that they did not have anyone to stay with her that night. My brother refuses to say with her at night. He also has sleep apnia, I did not understand this since if he isn't going to sleep anyway, why not stay up at her house. Anyway, he refuses to I do it. Then we find out they don't have anyone for Sunday night either. Ever since I have been killing myself staying up Sunday night and Tuesday night
So my weeks have been disjointed and broken staying up all night Sunday night trying to sleep Monday, having to do what I need to Tuesday only to have to stay up al Tuesday night and then try and sleep Wednesday. I have slowly been getting more and more exhausted, and am unable to have any kind of normal sleep pattern. Sometimes I go more than 40 hours without sleep, then can only get maybe 6 hours before someone calls and wakes me up for something.
Another thing is that since my brother has a pick up, fairly high off the ground, mys sister is unable to get into it. So anytime she needs a ride somewhere they cal me. this means nearly every time she goes to the emergency ward, which has been far too many times to count in the last 8 months, they call me and I have to stay there with her for hours on hours.
One time on a Monday she needed to go to the emergency ward in the morning, and my brother call me a little after noon, and tells me he did me a favor and instead of calling me to take her there in the morning, he borrowed a friends car and did t, since he knew I had been up all night.
He did me a favor? Like it isn't actually as much his responsibility as mine to take her where she needs to go, but he has this pick up so he can't, and I am stuck with it nearly every time. he did me a favor by not shirking his responsibility once more. That wasn't the point of his call. What he wanted was for me to come down and sit with her since he had been there for three hours already.
Oh and one other thing. We had only just gotten more hours for my sister so that the care takers would finally have the hours to start placing someone in her house on Sunday and Tuesday nights. I was about to finally be free of this, and now they fired the company that was to do it, and are taking her out of her home. This is F'd up.