It feels like its getting worse
I wish I could stop crying. I think this is the first time my H is on an actual date. He went to the city and didn't tell me he was going. Evn though we are separated, I usually know most of what he does. We talk every day. And he says his phone is dead. He never goes to the city. My last text asked, are you with a woman? No answer. I don't know why I can't stop crying. Yes I do!!!!!! It s because he is off having fun, in his new life , with god knows who, and I am ALONE again n a beautiful day. I am so fucking sad. I feel like a worthless loser. Where are my friends???? Pathetic.... And feeling the loss of him more than ever. He never wNted to go to the city with me. I am so sad. Story of my new life!!!
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Cmonge. I am so sorry. I know how you feel. When my H left in a December, the following Valentines night he was no where to be found. I felt so very horrible, because I knew he was with her. You are going to feel worse before you feel better. Only time can make that better. You are not the loser. He is. Eventually you will become saturated and that\'s when you will make a move in one or the other direction. You still love him, that\'s why you are sad. Do you want to be able to stop loving him? Lonely is a hard place to be. I will be thinking about you.
Remind me how your CS stopped his serial cheating? Do you trust him? Did he ever have loving emotions towards the women? My H claims not to, that its all sex, but I wonder.....
Is your CS a drinker? I think mine has a problem with both addictions.
I am sorry you are going through this and feel the way you do. My ex lied so much I never really knew if what she was saying was true or not. In the end, she didn\'t care about my feelings whatsoever because she stopped trying to hide the latest affair. I was willing to forgive and try counseling right up to the end but she really didn\'t want our marriage at that point. What it came down to was what I was willing to put up with. I just couldn\'t do it anymore. I know you are hurting and it seems like it will never end but it really does get easier in time. Try to love yourself and be good to yourself. You are not a loser, you are not pathetic and you are certainly not worthless! You deserve to be loved and respected and if it means being alone for a while, believe me, it is a better place to be. Love isn\'t something you can turn off and on but you can try to focus on something other than him and stop investing anymore of your precious emotions in what he chooses to do or not. People who lie and cheat are manipulators and cowards. They cannot be trusted without actions to back up what comes out of their mouths...Do what you have to do but try to take it easy on yourself. I am here for you.