it feels like

I was with my parents today. I kept on losing myself to the moment. I just didn't seem to have much substance to my life. I felt invisible but also like I was just vacuous. I couldn't feel anything and everyone else seemed to be alive.

I kept on trying to just be there for them in the way that I could - though I felt lacking.

I just pushed forward and kept relating to them in the way that I could. I just needed to keep going.

I left them to come home. As off color - or as in imperfect though I may feel - I am taking the reins again to dealing with my life back here on my own. To be self responsible and strong enough to keep moving forward in the way I need to in order to steer my own ship and get on with the things I need to do. I don't feel great but c'est la vie. I told a friend that I wanted to say a prayer and I will. I am grateful for my family and the place they keep for me in their lives. I feel grateful for the bounty of my life. Ok time to get to work on whatever it is I need to do.