is this it?
I've been a lil scared lately. I just feel like I was barley holding on to my sanity before losing my Mikey. Now I just feel like that was the thing to push me over the edge. I don't know quite what to do. I think I'm just driving myself crazy. I can't stop playing everything over and over in my head. I tried REALLY hard to get shit done today. Stay busy. I had let my room get pretty dirty, I cleaned, vacuumed...but then I spent like a good 45 min to an hour on a slide show for Mikey. Plus just talking about memories of Mikey and shit....I guess I'm not going to be "ok" for a while. I'm going to try an be more positive, Present, focused on the good, get back to working out. Start pushing myself to get out of the house more. ... I need to start staying off of facebook. I need so start letting myself cry when i feel like crying, idk why but i tend to keep my emotions bottled up inside me. ugh! It's like i need to re-program my freakin brain or some shit. And how does one do that.? hah
I think writing in a journal has been helping a lil. It's something I can focus on, which are my thoughts. Sometimes I do get emotional and actually let myself cry.
At this point I've got to do whatever I can, or something horrible is going to happen to me.
I think writing in a journal has been helping a lil. It's something I can focus on, which are my thoughts. Sometimes I do get emotional and actually let myself cry.
At this point I've got to do whatever I can, or something horrible is going to happen to me.
Replies
Hi,
It sounds like you have been through a lot lately, with the stress of Mikey\'s illness and then the loss of someone you obviously care a lot about. Going to the funeral sounded difficult, too, with so many people around. It\'s natural to not feel okay after losing someone you love. It\'s natural for everything to feel difficult. If you can interpret your feelings as a natural reaction to grief, it might feel less scary.
The slideshow sounds nice. I wonder if some kind of art might also be a way to express your feelings about him.
I was impressed that you deal with the funeral so well, if you have agoraphobia. That is an accomplishment!
I agree with you that night time is difficult. It helps me to have either a good book or a really boring tv show available, to distract my mind from its endless worrying.
The pain of loss is just a measure of how good and special some things in life can be, and of how much you can care about others. There will be other good things and other good people in your future. For now, it makes sense to feel terrible about losing that one person.
Hope something I said makes sense, and I\'m sorry for your loss.