Is this change

  Woke up feeling not too bad, but had an uneasy feeling. Not sure if it`s end of the month blues when bills seem to always pile up. Still seem to be struggling. Just never seems to be enough. I have periods where things go alright, but then money issues get in the way. I`ve been seeing how my past life has such an effect on any chances of getting jobs. Everybody seems to want criminal checks for anything. Only work I seem able to really do is what I`ve been doing. Painting with the odd job here and there. I seem to do alright, but it can seem like a constant struggle. I do love to paint tho. Helps me to forget about the world for awhile It`s nice creating beautifull things to. If anything gets in the way it can really mess things up, and set me back a lot. I`m worried about a friend I have. So far it`s just a feeling I have. Seems to be a change going on there. Feels like I`m loseing them, and not much I can do. I blame a lot on the struggles I`ve gone through. Sometimes I`m sorry about being honest and open about it. People say they want that, but it seems to just go against everything when you do. Perhaps I should keep my recovery seperate from my relationships. People just often don`t understand addiction. They want to, and they try, but they don`t understand the ups and downs that you go through. They mistake sympathy for understanding. Oh well, not much I can do. I can`t change them, or how they think. Just feel helpless about it. I do want them in my life, but I guess this is part of letting go and letting God do his job. If things are meant to be, they will be. I`m not going to let it bring me down, not today anyway. I can`t afford that. Anyway, going to have a sober day today, and try to enjoy it. It`s nice and sunny outside. Just waiting for Paul to see if he can get the van to do some work. I think he wants to do lawncutting, and hedge trimming. I like doing that, so it should be a good day. Thank you Lord for being with me.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

love the pic of jet..... she is a little one for sure.....and glad that you are moving forward james....... jusst stop thinking so much....... lay down and meditate for 5 minutes a day to start.....i find that it helps alot lately. I too have been broke, no smokes so quiting is happening... which is a good thing....getting one of those shocker things for my back so that should help til i have to go to the pain clinic. Yeah something fucked up in the spine again.....oh well...... i still have my mouth to run....just not literally able to run!! haha probably over your head. love and hugs
hope2168
hope2168

stop worrying so much. your not going to loose any friends. hugs
deleted_user
deleted_user

Sounds like you have a strong Faith. I am agnostic, not into organized religion , but believe in a Higher Power. Money problems here too! You\'re not alone.