Is this change

  Woke up feeling not too bad, but had an uneasy feeling. Not sure if it`s end of the month blues when bills seem to always pile up. Still seem to be struggling. Just never seems to be enough. I have periods where things go alright, but then money issues get in the way. I`ve been seeing how my past life has such an effect on any chances of getting jobs. Everybody seems to want criminal checks for anything. Only work I seem able to really do is what I`ve been doing. Painting with the odd job here and there. I seem to do alright, but it can seem like a constant struggle. I do love to paint tho. Helps me to forget about the world for awhile It`s nice creating beautifull things to. If anything gets in the way it can really mess things up, and set me back a lot. I`m worried about a friend I have. So far it`s just a feeling I have. Seems to be a change going on there. Feels like I`m loseing them, and not much I can do. I blame a lot on the struggles I`ve gone through. Sometimes I`m sorry about being honest and open about it. People say they want that, but it seems to just go against everything when you do. Perhaps I should keep my recovery seperate from my relationships. People just often don`t understand addiction. They want to, and they try, but they don`t understand the ups and downs that you go through. They mistake sympathy for understanding. Oh well, not much I can do. I can`t change them, or how they think. Just feel helpless about it. I do want them in my life, but I guess this is part of letting go and letting God do his job. If things are meant to be, they will be. I`m not going to let it bring me down, not today anyway. I can`t afford that. Anyway, going to have a sober day today, and try to enjoy it. It`s nice and sunny outside. Just waiting for Paul to see if he can get the van to do some work. I think he wants to do lawncutting, and hedge trimming. I like doing that, so it should be a good day. Thank you Lord for being with me.