Is my depression over or is it not?

I went through a terrible period of depression for about five years. I think the depression lifted early in 2011. I was extremely obsessed over the fact that someone wasn't a part of my life anymore. When I finally got past it my depression went away. However I still have a life that is conducive to depression. 
I often wonder if I'm actually depressed but don't realize it. When I went through what I define as my period of depression I felt a great deal of emotional pain. I don't feel that pain anymore and thank God for that but I still live a life of a depressed person.
 I don't want to participate in family gatherings. I feel as if I have no need for friends and when people attempt to befriend me it seems to annoy me. If I feel lonely I usually try to glean a little attention from friends and family on Facebook and that often turns out bad. I've been so discouraged about the way things are going that I often just want to stay here alone but then it gets so boring here.

 I often drink myself into oblivion, I overeat and I am very overweight. I have little or no spirituality although I try but I can't find anything my skeptical mind can believe in. I even tried to read the entire Bible recently but the more I read it, the less I believed what I was reading. I'm married but there is not much of a relationship there. There's no "i love you" almost no affection and we've been celibate for many years. That's my choice not hers. I'm not suicidal but I don't take care of myself at all and I often say to people that I hope I pass way soon. I'm 53 and I don't want to be a senior citizen.

 I thought my depression was over but perhaps it's actually still here but I've only learned how to suppress the emotional pain I used to feel. When I felt lots of emotional pain every day in my gut, I thought of myself as depressed. I saw a good therapist a couple of years ago who taught me how to deal with emotional pain with cognitive thought. It works but I still live a very strange, unsatisfying and pointless life.

 Without faith, hope or a desire to bond with other people, I just don't know how to get out of this hole I've put myself in.

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hotdogalice
hotdogalice

this sounds like some sort of depression...?? i cant remember if you had a doctor....I hope you talk this out with someone.....or if you need to DS is a great spot to do that just like you did in your journal....take care