is it true?

I have gone throughout my life wondering if certain statements that are made about me are true. If your weak hearted DO NOT CONTINUE READING THIS... but back to the subject, Ive been called so many things. Weak, bitch, slut, whore, asshole, self centered, self absorbed, the list goes on and on. Is it really true though? In my heart i feel as if I'm doing good for myself and others, but obviously not if people keep telling me the same thing over and over again... All i can ever think is what did i do wrong? Why does these terrible things keep happening? As a woman who thinks with science you start to assume its you. I mean the dependent variable being me and the independent variable being those whom tell me these things... One starts to believe the things are true. The only thing i think i can change is keeping my thoughts to myself, obviously if i keep whats bothering me entirely to myself i wont have to keep doubting myself because what has been said. All i ever want to do is please everyone around me but i can never keep my feelings inside. As soon as I'm angry or sad i immediately cry or scream but is that truly being a self-absorbed bitch? Or is it my mental disabilities of being Bi-polar and a manic depressive with anxieties. When examined by others and told my downfalls I'm quick to become like a feral animal being swatted with a stick. Fight or flight they say, most likely i fight until i feel like i cant anymore then i retreat back to the place i think I'm the safest. But of course don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to use the fact that I'm borderline crazy as a crutch. I more or less need to know why i am the way i am? why i push and drive people away? In the end i just want to make people happy even if I'm not happy in the process. Ugh end of my stupid little rant. Goodnight!