is he stalking me now?
ok..so we had court last week. is it just a coincidence that the very next day i see him directly outside my work, next to my van, in his truck, grinning at me all evil, staring at me, shaking his finger like i'm being bad?
that was wednesday of last wk, so this wknd i go to iga down the street
i see his truck parked in the parking lot of iga. he's not in it. i mentally note exactly which spots its in. i'm scared. i'm scared of him and what he will do to my van. he keeps breaking it! keeps trying to make me immobile. i'm trying to ignore this van there but its staring at me and i got afraid, rushed thru the store and drove away really fast. that was sunday
today is monday. i stop at iga again like ususal and there's the truck again. its in a slightly different spot, closer to the store and i'm staring at it, thinking is he hiding in there? i went in the store adn talked to the manager about that truck being parked there. i told them a little how i feel he's stalking me now. maybe he's getting mad and unpredictable and is gonna come after me somehow. i had a couple of private numbers taht hung up on me this wknd too but i dont know who it is.
i learned something though. on my quest for this suit i got going on, i started looking him up and found in the registry and whole bunch of stuff i had no idea about! like him having a kid with some Baptiste woman way back when, she sued him for child support and paternity. then i see myrna, i know her & she's nice, i ddint know they used to date tho when i met will, but i can see she had a restraining order & he was charged with domestic. all of waht? like 3 or 4 years later, i see cheryl and her too! protection order and domestic assaults. like who is this person?
omg, the person he showed himself to me and the person he really is are two totally different entities. scares the life out of me cuz i just dont know what he will do or not do. i mean, like his last 3 g/f's in the last 10 yrs have all ended violently and now me? like..how the hell was i so fooled into believing him. he's just such a goooooooooooooood liar, omg. i've always said if people would put as much effort into being good as they do in being evil, the world would be a better place.
so now i sit here, on my site, looking for supports b/c im afraid. i'm anxious. my heart has been racing for 2 days now. i'm looking over my shoulder again. i'm jumpy again. dammit, how long is it going to take before i stop being afraid? the stress of it all is just too much some days. i mean, i haven't called him in months, but all these months, all his calls, voicemails, threatening words, then in court and now i see his truck everywhere i go? like what the hell? what does he want from me?
i'm just going to keep going. keep gonig fwd. i am not going to let him scare me anymore! i just know to watch around me, to keep my eyes open for him b/c i know how violent and dangerous he can be. i can not afford my van being hurt again. my body heals..well.does it? i can still see the bruises on my arm. i think they're permanent. i can't catch it with a pic but i'm looking at my arm right now and can see the marks still there..
why the hell did he fucking wanna hurt me so badly? how does soemone take such pleasure in being so mean. so fn twisted and i got sucked into this bullshit. i will fight back. i will fight back and stop him from hurting me anymore. hopefully he will learn something, although not likely, to not hurt women like this. geez..u really gotta hate yourself i guess to have to go thru life fooling ppl into believing you're someone good.
ya well..i love myself. i'm proud of myself. i'm coming back into myself. this has been months and months of torture, but i'm forcing myself to believe, what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger.
i just want this bullshit, fear, anxiety to get out of my life! i dont need this drama! i want my life bacvk!
i still say they need different emoticons for this site..i need an anxious one..a litle shaking circle with wide eyes..that would be me right nwo..watching over my shoulder..shit
that was wednesday of last wk, so this wknd i go to iga down the street
i see his truck parked in the parking lot of iga. he's not in it. i mentally note exactly which spots its in. i'm scared. i'm scared of him and what he will do to my van. he keeps breaking it! keeps trying to make me immobile. i'm trying to ignore this van there but its staring at me and i got afraid, rushed thru the store and drove away really fast. that was sunday
today is monday. i stop at iga again like ususal and there's the truck again. its in a slightly different spot, closer to the store and i'm staring at it, thinking is he hiding in there? i went in the store adn talked to the manager about that truck being parked there. i told them a little how i feel he's stalking me now. maybe he's getting mad and unpredictable and is gonna come after me somehow. i had a couple of private numbers taht hung up on me this wknd too but i dont know who it is.
i learned something though. on my quest for this suit i got going on, i started looking him up and found in the registry and whole bunch of stuff i had no idea about! like him having a kid with some Baptiste woman way back when, she sued him for child support and paternity. then i see myrna, i know her & she's nice, i ddint know they used to date tho when i met will, but i can see she had a restraining order & he was charged with domestic. all of waht? like 3 or 4 years later, i see cheryl and her too! protection order and domestic assaults. like who is this person?
omg, the person he showed himself to me and the person he really is are two totally different entities. scares the life out of me cuz i just dont know what he will do or not do. i mean, like his last 3 g/f's in the last 10 yrs have all ended violently and now me? like..how the hell was i so fooled into believing him. he's just such a goooooooooooooood liar, omg. i've always said if people would put as much effort into being good as they do in being evil, the world would be a better place.
so now i sit here, on my site, looking for supports b/c im afraid. i'm anxious. my heart has been racing for 2 days now. i'm looking over my shoulder again. i'm jumpy again. dammit, how long is it going to take before i stop being afraid? the stress of it all is just too much some days. i mean, i haven't called him in months, but all these months, all his calls, voicemails, threatening words, then in court and now i see his truck everywhere i go? like what the hell? what does he want from me?
i'm just going to keep going. keep gonig fwd. i am not going to let him scare me anymore! i just know to watch around me, to keep my eyes open for him b/c i know how violent and dangerous he can be. i can not afford my van being hurt again. my body heals..well.does it? i can still see the bruises on my arm. i think they're permanent. i can't catch it with a pic but i'm looking at my arm right now and can see the marks still there..
why the hell did he fucking wanna hurt me so badly? how does soemone take such pleasure in being so mean. so fn twisted and i got sucked into this bullshit. i will fight back. i will fight back and stop him from hurting me anymore. hopefully he will learn something, although not likely, to not hurt women like this. geez..u really gotta hate yourself i guess to have to go thru life fooling ppl into believing you're someone good.
ya well..i love myself. i'm proud of myself. i'm coming back into myself. this has been months and months of torture, but i'm forcing myself to believe, what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger.
i just want this bullshit, fear, anxiety to get out of my life! i dont need this drama! i want my life bacvk!
i still say they need different emoticons for this site..i need an anxious one..a litle shaking circle with wide eyes..that would be me right nwo..watching over my shoulder..shit
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