interesting examination of two ideas
I have so much been trying to learn about my nature...by questioning
and thinking and ultimately learning about qualities of experiences I have and
I have come to understand the kinds of things that I use that help me get along in life.
I have such inner chaos at times that I try to distill some wisdoms to
better cope with stuff in life.
....But then again, I think I can start to think of these qualities 'too much'
or at least the solutions to these qualities
in terms of a 'form to fill' and rather than just considering (when
choosing to make a path forward for myself) that I can journey on
and choose or be game for a little adventure or as the dynamic unfolds.
In essensce I can choose what I like or dislike
about doing something or some experience. I guess my fears or my own scrutinization of things
can create a kind of prison for myself if I don't see that I am choosing
to live by a structure that is of my own making. Too small or rigid of a structure.
It might help me in some sense to get along...
but I'm learning I ought not to think about it so that I am too controlled by it.
It's just a misdirected kind of reaction maybe.
Maybe the overt control happens because of my own flinching
and change of direction that can come from a sharp blocking force while
I journey forward (that tells me it's wrong to do what I am doing) rather than
think in terms of "well I don't like that sharp force" - I'll go around it.
Anyways, such is my day today. I just drank another pot of coffee.
The windows are still open and the weather today has been ideal!
So fresh and mild. Peace.
Replies
my questioning nature still has me over-thinking damned near every detail of life, but i am learning not to take myself so seriously. the questioning is just a game. the life plan is to go forth in the faith that the answers will present themselves when i need them.
let go and let god.
knowledge and certainty are overrated.
I sometimes wonder if it’s effects of mental health diagnoses? I say that because I spent many years trying to understand when I was first diagnosed…. Then it started to feel like I was obsessing about the diagnosis itself. So I shifted gears, but then I had a break again and wound up totally obsessed with the diagnosis again. Then I finally started to not obsess so much about my MIND but about behavior and emotional intelligence and interpersonal relationships in therapy, and also getting there with my psychiatrist too, until I finally started to feel comfortable in my own skin for the first time in ages.
That’s not to say I still have tremendous anxiety and such, and hope and pray I don’t ever have to go through a bad break again. But the obsessing about how my mind worked or didn’t work shifted into a more universal feeling outside my self, and what can I do to serve the things outside myself.
Having the self awareness is still a key important thing…. The whole “put on your oxygen mask before assisting others” thing. Anyway, those are the thoughts that came to my mind as I read your journal. Sorry- long winded!! Hehe
Thanks you guys !!!