Interesting
Day 11 0f 365 - Man Break
This breaking the patterns thing is like an onion. Each time you peel off one layer there's another one underneath. And a list of new books to read. It gets frustrating sometimes because you think: When will it end? Will I ever heal? Be normal? Not obsess? Deep down I know it is or I wouldn't keep going.
I've noticed something about myself. When I'm in a relationship life seems kinda bleak. I'm always anxious, nervous, underconfident, wary, insecure and on edge. Things just seem a little more unsettled and scary. Life is like a tunnel and the only thing I see is the relationship.
But when I'm not in a relationship the world is new colours, and opportunities. There's so much I want to do and see. I smile and laugh and am good with myself. I feel free. Everything around me is interesting and exciting. The hope of something good and new in the future is exhilirating.
I know I can't be in relationship right now because the feeling I feel outside of a relationship has to be cemented withint me so that when I am in a relationship I feel the same way. I find myself without a man and I lose myself with one. Until I am strong enough to be me at all times I can't entertain the thought of thinking of someone else. And this will take practice because it only takes the slightest wind to bend me and I want to be able to stay tall in a hurricane. I want to be true to myself.
This breaking the patterns thing is like an onion. Each time you peel off one layer there's another one underneath. And a list of new books to read. It gets frustrating sometimes because you think: When will it end? Will I ever heal? Be normal? Not obsess? Deep down I know it is or I wouldn't keep going.
I've noticed something about myself. When I'm in a relationship life seems kinda bleak. I'm always anxious, nervous, underconfident, wary, insecure and on edge. Things just seem a little more unsettled and scary. Life is like a tunnel and the only thing I see is the relationship.
But when I'm not in a relationship the world is new colours, and opportunities. There's so much I want to do and see. I smile and laugh and am good with myself. I feel free. Everything around me is interesting and exciting. The hope of something good and new in the future is exhilirating.
I know I can't be in relationship right now because the feeling I feel outside of a relationship has to be cemented withint me so that when I am in a relationship I feel the same way. I find myself without a man and I lose myself with one. Until I am strong enough to be me at all times I can't entertain the thought of thinking of someone else. And this will take practice because it only takes the slightest wind to bend me and I want to be able to stay tall in a hurricane. I want to be true to myself.
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