Insides on Fire
Still feel like I"m climbing out of my skin. So frustrating! Jumpy, exhausted, and my insides feel jittery. I can't get to the pharmacy to get my new meds... ARGH! Probably for the best that I don't start until the weekend, but I"d like to feel better RIGTH NOW! It's hard when I feel this bad to remember it's temporary, and I feel like such a damn freak when I want to cut myself and watch the red flow. Stupid! Sounds so stupid! I'm a stupid adult I know better than all of this. I'm a working professional. No one would ever guess all of this is going on in my head. Not even my husband.
Today at the end of the day three football players surrounded me. THey all had questions- just wanted me attention. They are still young only 13-14 and unaware of the towering size. I started sweating! The kids learned last year I don't like to be touched, but they were smaller in seventh grade. Now they are big, and bold, and the brawling eighth graders of an inner city school. I can puff my chest out, but I"ll never be taller than 5'4" and they do scare me. They do....
Copied from facebook - Today I started teaching by standing in front of the classroom and talking, writing on the board, doing chants with the students... My students, eighth graders, spent their mornings passing notes, chatting out loud like I wasn't there, and not caring at all about passing. I went into my second classroom with a new attitude, this time I did a lot less talking - they don't listen, allowed them to do their work while I assisted, they chatted about ex girlfriends. I collected their work at the end of the class... In my final class, I let the students teach the lesson following my notes from the previous classes, I let them work in their groups on their materials making their choices as they would assisting as they needed, and then collected their work at the end of the class. All this after a thirteen hour day the day before when I helped teach two parent classes "Help your child with their Literacy class" and served nachos to two hundred parents. I got paid exactly $0.00 extra dollars, but worked 5 extra hours! Add to the fact that my neighboring classroom was out of control with a sub all day, and I had to go in and break up fights twice, and dismiss a twirking (sp?) competition for the sub. Oh - did I mention that I found out today that the school gave a survey about the teacher on record's performance in the classroom last year while I was in BOSTON with Rickie having his stem cell transplant for brain cancer. I was the teacher on record, but not the teacher in the classroom. Did the survey indicate that information? NOPE! It counts as 5% of my score as a teacher - I WASN'T EVEN THERE! Now don't worry because I am a great teacher, and 5% won't damage me! But ... Wow! Wow is all I can say!
Today at the end of the day three football players surrounded me. THey all had questions- just wanted me attention. They are still young only 13-14 and unaware of the towering size. I started sweating! The kids learned last year I don't like to be touched, but they were smaller in seventh grade. Now they are big, and bold, and the brawling eighth graders of an inner city school. I can puff my chest out, but I"ll never be taller than 5'4" and they do scare me. They do....
Copied from facebook - Today I started teaching by standing in front of the classroom and talking, writing on the board, doing chants with the students... My students, eighth graders, spent their mornings passing notes, chatting out loud like I wasn't there, and not caring at all about passing. I went into my second classroom with a new attitude, this time I did a lot less talking - they don't listen, allowed them to do their work while I assisted, they chatted about ex girlfriends. I collected their work at the end of the class... In my final class, I let the students teach the lesson following my notes from the previous classes, I let them work in their groups on their materials making their choices as they would assisting as they needed, and then collected their work at the end of the class. All this after a thirteen hour day the day before when I helped teach two parent classes "Help your child with their Literacy class" and served nachos to two hundred parents. I got paid exactly $0.00 extra dollars, but worked 5 extra hours! Add to the fact that my neighboring classroom was out of control with a sub all day, and I had to go in and break up fights twice, and dismiss a twirking (sp?) competition for the sub. Oh - did I mention that I found out today that the school gave a survey about the teacher on record's performance in the classroom last year while I was in BOSTON with Rickie having his stem cell transplant for brain cancer. I was the teacher on record, but not the teacher in the classroom. Did the survey indicate that information? NOPE! It counts as 5% of my score as a teacher - I WASN'T EVEN THERE! Now don't worry because I am a great teacher, and 5% won't damage me! But ... Wow! Wow is all I can say!
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