Incredibly lucky, I guess

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years.  This is the first time he's ever seen me like this, e.g., in a bad depressive episode.  It's been hard for him to understand, but I realize that he is the first person I have been completely honest with about my mood disorder.  He has always been supportive in theory and now that he's been put to the test, he has been unbelievable.  In general, I am an independent and on-the-go career woman.  He is also very independent.  We pride ourselves or at least I pride myself on being independent.  This process has been hard because when I started having panic attacks, he'd have to help me to take a shower, pick a shirt, drive me to the doctor and watch as I looked scared to be left alone.  Through all of this (so far) he has been loving and here for me every day...I feel so lucky to have him and have been feeling like I disappoint him every time he wants me to go do something with him and I just don't feel up to it (which is all the time lately).  I asked him if he still loves me while I am like this and he told me he loves me even more because I need it.  Can you believe it?  (For those of you who aren't vomiting, that is.)  I am so lucky.   And the sad part of this is, how can I be this lucky and still feel so useless and down?