In dreams

All day, every day I feel like I'm watching the Aaron channel.  Aaron is my husband's name.  All kinds of memories come in-out of sequence.  But its all him, all the time.  I even dream of him.  He's there with me just like every other time, and I'm telling him about all that's going on.  The fact that he's passed away is known but he's still just there.  I was going to have Friday off and in my Thursday night dream, we talked about how we were going to spend Friday together.  That dream made me feel closer to him and it was comforting. I wish I could talk to him again for real.  Then on Saturday, I remembered some things that he did that really upset me and I felt just mad at him.  So then that night, I didn't dream of him and I was so sad about that.  That was my only chance to see him...So I have learned that I need to forgive.  I'm not at the point where I can enjoy remembering the good times.  Good memories and bad memories all feel bad\
but I can remember that i love him and forgive the past