In a zone
It's funny, I just realized here at the monastery, everyone is kind of in their own zone. They're focusing on their work and their practice (with god). It's finally making sense to me...and I can see it.
I see it in myself and can see it as a similarity as well as a difference in the outer world. Without previously understanding why exactly i was so drawn to it here at the monastery I had found it couched my condition and the low stress environment and culture allowed for my idiosyncrasies , my reactivity, to be honored and 'made way' for.
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this journal really helped and helps me feel comfortable in my skin - I might get depressed at times but I know that means I am not getting something or enough of what I want. The rumination as an identity validator is an awesome realization and tool. (I mentioned i discovered this in my last journal )
I came back to my room today - after morning meal - and I was really able to navigate and negotiate things in terms of ,or in regards to,
the understanding that we're each in our zone here.
I was back in my room - but wanted more - I didn't know how to go about getting it - or what it was for that matter - and in part that was due to the fact that I was thinking
in terms of 'the way things should be' rather than 'how they are.' That made me shift gears into adjusting. I remembered to just sit in place and remember to take it one
step at a time
I remembered how I like art as a way to please myself (by the patterns and nuances) and so I drew a little bit. It was wonderful. It really is a home base for me to find peace. I feel like I am better able to find what I need now.
I confessed a parishioner today and I learned from him and that relationship he had with himself and his issues. I hope to see him again.
I tend to take my inner meditation really seriously. I was just sitting here, in the coffee room at church, trying to pass the time before meal prep duties and I realized I was ‘oh so serious.’ There’s work to get done but there’s also this precious time to rest and I don’t want to miss that or joy by brooding and stewing in my serious anxiety
I'm glad that your art lifted you today
You 'sound' positive sweetie...xo
Thanks Janet!
I was thinking about the nature of it here, it’s an ‘agreed to’ System for individuals, each in their kind of a zone. A separate bubble so to speak. A system where we’re all considerate of each other being in a zone or bubble within this system. It makes for allowances and agreements on certain terms in life..
In the outside in society there is a system where the system is raw humanity.
And so people are in their zones there in the outside world but in collectively considerate of human emotions, experience, passions and qualities.
In the religious community people can be assholes frankly but that’s accepted as part of the system. The difficulty of managing life in all ways is in the scope of things here. Including the condition to not having social graces on account of life traumas or just plain having a hard time being nice.
People in the outside world are accountable.
I’m realizing that as we’re here in the monastery , and for those in regular outer world life too we’re all assessing and evaluating life and each using these systems and foundations we’re brought up in, to evaluate life and each other. I’ve learned the terms here which have helped me bridge the terms for both here and out there. Does that make sense? There’s virtue and humanity and psychology that as individuals we can have in our processes that we look at in the world out there but in either location we get to evaluate and manage those relationships. We don’t have to like everything or agree with everything that’s put in front of us. I think I’ve been searching for a perfect system or even have been perfecting my own system of understanding. That’s a dimension to real life that we don’t talk about in movies, tv and stuff so much. But it’s helpful to know and understand for me. And all this minute detail I evaluate I know after all we are all just people.