In a Funk
The past couple of days I've been depressed. I did have an okay time with my in-laws on Thursday, but got home so late I just cooked dinner and went to bed without doing a journal. Yesterday I was in bed late again so I didn't do one either. I just haven't felt like doing a journal. I'm making myself do this one so I can get back into my habits. I know it's good to do a journal every day so that's what I try and do. It gives me something to look back on when I'm trying to confirm a pattern. I did make it to volunteer yesterday and got a workout in today. I didn't want to go to volunteer... I haven't been wanting to go lately. It must be the depression. Plus, they fight over me and I get tired of going back and forth between departments. I just want to be in Managed Care. I feel more welcome there, and I know they need me more than at the information desk. There is a guy at the desk that can learn the computers if he had the drive, and he could then do anything I could do. As it is, he just sits around all day waiting to be handed a project. I kinda chat with him when I'm there, but it's hard as there are people coming up to me needing help.
Yesterday I found out why they fight over me. My two bosses, Joann and Daisy, used to be best friends. Then they had a falling out, and now they are using me to play their game. I don't appreciate it, and I need to find a way to talk to my boss about it. I know he and Daisy get along. I don't know how he and Joann get along. Joann is my supervisor in Managed Care, and Daisy is the manager of the Information Desk. I don't want to be a pawn in a power fight. I also need to find a way for me to talk to my real boss, Mr. Prater, about how I felt about Monday. He asked me specifically to come in to the Information Desk on Monday from 12-3:30 saying I was needed. I was very sick that day, but went in anyway because he made it seem so important. Once I was there, I just stayed since I was already there. But there were 3 other volunteers at the Information Desk, 2 that spoke Spanish and one just sitting there doing nothing. It's not fair to me to be the only one working when I'm sick and there are people there who can help out.
Today was okay... My IBS was acting up earlier in the week, and that's one of the reasons why I was sick on Monday. Today it's been kinda calm. I did have some milk this morning, something I try not to do when it's acting up, but I was okay. It was my back that was bugging me today. I was lying on a heating pad for a while to try and calm it down. It didn't help later that I had to cook dinner and did the dishes bent over the sink and dishwasher. I lay down for a while after I was done eating, and the pain got a bit better. I'm sitting up now, leaning against pillows for support and it feels okay. I know that when I lie down it's going to be bad again, just because that's the way it is for me. It's okay.. I talk on the phone every night before going to bed, so I can just do that on the heating pad. Although my phone buddies are all busy tonight.
Mood today was depressed. I don't know why I'm in this little funk. I just realized last night that I was depressed, and had been for a bit. Maybe it's all the changes in my schedule, the food I ate, the weight I gained, and so on. My life has not been normal this week. I know it's because of the holiday and it being my brother in law's birthday on Thursday that got me all thrown off. I'm a person of habit, and so it's hard for me to have a break in my routine. Even last week was bad, since I didn't go volunteer except for Monday. The rest of the week I was hallucinating so bad and feeling dizzy that I couldn't go into work. I'm still hallucinating.. I don't know what I have to do to get it to stop. I'm already at my max dose of Risperdal.
Food today was good... It was nice to be in my calorie range for the first time this week. I've been eating nothing but crap lately, and so I gained a couple pounds. Today I was good and I didn't get Chinese food, which I was craving. Instead, I made honey garlic chicken (which didn't have any taste, yuck!) and veggies. I got a bunch of food at the store when I went this week, so I have an abundance of healthy foods. I have salad, baby carrots, granola bars and tea. I've already eaten a ton of salad and a couple granola bars. It's nice to have healthy choices around.
Yesterday I found out why they fight over me. My two bosses, Joann and Daisy, used to be best friends. Then they had a falling out, and now they are using me to play their game. I don't appreciate it, and I need to find a way to talk to my boss about it. I know he and Daisy get along. I don't know how he and Joann get along. Joann is my supervisor in Managed Care, and Daisy is the manager of the Information Desk. I don't want to be a pawn in a power fight. I also need to find a way for me to talk to my real boss, Mr. Prater, about how I felt about Monday. He asked me specifically to come in to the Information Desk on Monday from 12-3:30 saying I was needed. I was very sick that day, but went in anyway because he made it seem so important. Once I was there, I just stayed since I was already there. But there were 3 other volunteers at the Information Desk, 2 that spoke Spanish and one just sitting there doing nothing. It's not fair to me to be the only one working when I'm sick and there are people there who can help out.
Today was okay... My IBS was acting up earlier in the week, and that's one of the reasons why I was sick on Monday. Today it's been kinda calm. I did have some milk this morning, something I try not to do when it's acting up, but I was okay. It was my back that was bugging me today. I was lying on a heating pad for a while to try and calm it down. It didn't help later that I had to cook dinner and did the dishes bent over the sink and dishwasher. I lay down for a while after I was done eating, and the pain got a bit better. I'm sitting up now, leaning against pillows for support and it feels okay. I know that when I lie down it's going to be bad again, just because that's the way it is for me. It's okay.. I talk on the phone every night before going to bed, so I can just do that on the heating pad. Although my phone buddies are all busy tonight.
Mood today was depressed. I don't know why I'm in this little funk. I just realized last night that I was depressed, and had been for a bit. Maybe it's all the changes in my schedule, the food I ate, the weight I gained, and so on. My life has not been normal this week. I know it's because of the holiday and it being my brother in law's birthday on Thursday that got me all thrown off. I'm a person of habit, and so it's hard for me to have a break in my routine. Even last week was bad, since I didn't go volunteer except for Monday. The rest of the week I was hallucinating so bad and feeling dizzy that I couldn't go into work. I'm still hallucinating.. I don't know what I have to do to get it to stop. I'm already at my max dose of Risperdal.
Food today was good... It was nice to be in my calorie range for the first time this week. I've been eating nothing but crap lately, and so I gained a couple pounds. Today I was good and I didn't get Chinese food, which I was craving. Instead, I made honey garlic chicken (which didn't have any taste, yuck!) and veggies. I got a bunch of food at the store when I went this week, so I have an abundance of healthy foods. I have salad, baby carrots, granola bars and tea. I've already eaten a ton of salad and a couple granola bars. It's nice to have healthy choices around.
Replies
I agree that you need to get things running more smoothly at work. Bad enough to work and worse when the day is loaded with stress.
The Holiday being in the middle of the week has thrown me off schedule too. Hoping next week is back to normal.
as you know, i totally understand those kind of work problems and they are upsetting. if you feel talking to your boss will help, then go for it. as for feeling depressed, you have had many things going on. halluncinations, the 4th, birthday, pain, and all all to upsetting weight gain. now though, you have tons of healthy food and you started back at your workout, this is huge. i find when i exercise, the funk i am in goes away. i hope this will happen for you.