Improving, day by day
These past few days have been pretty good. I spoke with Sarah yesterday, as i wrote about. Today i spoke with her for a little bit longer. I spoke with my mother in law also about my children today. We have a parental plan that we both get to see the children equally. We emaile a littl bit more back and forth as well. It seems that we are both on decent talking terms now. I love to hear her voice. I always loved talking with her. She is my best friend and i miss that so much.
Today i am going to talk about Me losing out on time with my family. I have missed out on a lot with my family. I have worked so much for shitty companies that dont give any time off when requested, even for family functions, such as deaths, marriages, get togethers, ect. I absolutely hated that. I have missed my first son's birth, missed all of my wifes grandparents funerals (when my wife needed me the most), I misssed the family traditional dinner and a movie nights on fridays, i have not even been on a vacation with my family in a long time. A lot of it was from the military, as my unit was always being deployed or in a training event/environment. I missed a lot, which i know pissed my wife off, as i was never there for her. I am sick of missing out on my family. I have felt that way forever. i know that me missing my son's birth was very big for me. that was my first born child, and i was deployed to iraq when he was born. I know and understand that i was doing my job, but that seems to always be the case lately and in the past. At what point does work become fun? I have a good work ethic, which becomes my downfalling because i am always doing too much at work. I am always trying to impress someone or do the best job that i can. Which i learned about while reading the book "keep the Change, by Dr. Tom Zimmerman, that that i shouldnt have to impress anybody but god. I now know that a little too late. I am slowly learning to deal with the issues that i have in my head. When i talk about them and write them down, i do feel better about it. I will write more later on.
Today i am going to talk about Me losing out on time with my family. I have missed out on a lot with my family. I have worked so much for shitty companies that dont give any time off when requested, even for family functions, such as deaths, marriages, get togethers, ect. I absolutely hated that. I have missed my first son's birth, missed all of my wifes grandparents funerals (when my wife needed me the most), I misssed the family traditional dinner and a movie nights on fridays, i have not even been on a vacation with my family in a long time. A lot of it was from the military, as my unit was always being deployed or in a training event/environment. I missed a lot, which i know pissed my wife off, as i was never there for her. I am sick of missing out on my family. I have felt that way forever. i know that me missing my son's birth was very big for me. that was my first born child, and i was deployed to iraq when he was born. I know and understand that i was doing my job, but that seems to always be the case lately and in the past. At what point does work become fun? I have a good work ethic, which becomes my downfalling because i am always doing too much at work. I am always trying to impress someone or do the best job that i can. Which i learned about while reading the book "keep the Change, by Dr. Tom Zimmerman, that that i shouldnt have to impress anybody but god. I now know that a little too late. I am slowly learning to deal with the issues that i have in my head. When i talk about them and write them down, i do feel better about it. I will write more later on.
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