Impending Doom
Lately I have become obsessed with my demise. I feel like the end is coming. I have been having several panic attacks. I keep thinking I'm going to get cancer and die and Roxy will be left alone. I am scanning the body and worrying all the time. The thought of Roxy being alone terrifes me. I think I may have PTSD from when Ruby was knocked down on top of my CPTSD. The athletic streak is gone as I am now plagued with injuries. I have moved into a much bigger place in a new very big apartment. Long gone are the days of the street and rough places but I feel very shopworn and like a boxer who's had too many fights. I'm tired of fighting. I need something to get out of this.
Replies
Big hug sweetie
I'm sorry to 'hear' that you're struggling
I would make an appt with your doctor to discuss the panic
There are meds that can help with it
And for the longer term therapy that can help you
Tools that can help such as mindfulness...Some people swear by it and there are free video's on youtube
Even if you no longer run you can walk and the exercize can help combat the anxiety
There may be an in person or zoom bereavement group for our beloved pets
I'm glad that you're with us
Another hug and a blessing sent
the end is, indeed, coming. be it this minute or 60 years from now, the end is, indeed, coming.. early into my recovery, around 50 years ago, i could have written this very post. i kept my journal in spiral notebooks back then. it might be interesting to sneak a peek to see just how close i came to your exact words. alas, i can't read my journal without triggering vicious flashbacks, so? ? ? maybe tomorrow? ? ? hope healing happens here.
in a more general gee, guided tours of those obsessions led me to the spots most in need of healing. emphasis on, "guided." my head is not a safe neighborhood to travel alone. i take an accountabilibuddy whenever possible. an accountabilibuddy is a companion who provides me with reality checks, etc.
I agree to get further brain help from your psychiatrist or start with your PCP. We have to help ourselves as much as we can but sometimes we need medication help.
I can relate a lot to feeling the sense of doom and also have to stay out of that neighborhood in my mind. It is true that we all will die eventually, sooner or later. Our bodies are not here on this earth for forever.
But our souls live on. Being a human is a short term thing, being a divine soul is our long term thing.
I understand that feeling having severe anxiety myself. It's only manageable because I see someone regularly and take medication. You've had a lot going on in the past few months. Moving is a huge stressor all on its own. Have you seen anyone to get some help?
Take it one day at a time. If you can't run, walk to burn off some anxiety. Focus on being grateful for the good things that you have like your new place and Roxy. Your injuries may improve with time and medical care so you can run again. You've made huge strides in your life. It's pretty normal to feel overwhelmed at times even if adulting is going well. Give yourself some grace and some through on the other side!
I've been feeling like this for decades. I feel it most when I'm under great stress (loss of a love one, moving, new job, etc). Give yourself great grace and take extra care to rest, eat well, sleep
Also, try to limit news. I feel this way when I watch too much politics or news about the wars