im trying to accept my divorce...

im embarking on a new relationship. i start to think its not very serious and then the guy talks as if well b 2gether 4 sometime.  i like him and im enjoying being with him.  i dont know if i really want anything with my ex, but still somehow not really wanting a divorce.  how can that b? i dont really like this guy...dont like how he treats me, but i wanna b married 2 him? what sense does that make? maybe what it is is i dont want to be rejected but i dont really want the guy.  maybe its the rejection that i dont want.  that cld be it. 
i dont like to think that this man with all these issues.  who has given me every reason not to want him...he doesnt want me.  no reason does he give.  he doesnt say theres anything wrong with me...he just doesnt want me.
and i guess i hate that.  i hate that anyone. well not anyone...i hate that my husband doesnt want 2 b with me.
i found out im having another daughter.  im glad.  i dont wanna see him. my ex.  i may still c some of him.  well anyway im glad.  i can teach her how 2 b a wmn...if my ex checks out at some pnt. i dont have 2 worry about having to teach sons how to be men.
i dont know how our relationship will evolve.  i dont wanna b his friend....sometimes i wanna b around him but i think its just cause its familiar.  that feeling comes and goes.  sometimes i dont wanna talk 2 him at all.  im often disgusted with him...immensly. 
im so grateful that my new friend is understanding about my feelings.  hes got a lot of drama and chaos in his life...it doesnt really cause prob 4 me since weve agreed not 2 really meet fam/kids yet, but i dont get a lot of time with him b/c of his drama.  i still enjoy the time i get with him when i get it though.