im so beat 2day

i feel like crap 2day. baby's moving a lot.  i usually find joy in that; not 2day.  im glad shes moving which proves shes alive, but im kinda detached from it.  i have a headache.  im frustrated about my car.  im running out of money and im scared to spend my last on fixing a car thats running.
i asked my h to come over and just hold me.  if he comes im very afraid that he may do something to ruin it.  he somehow finds away to screw up the simplest of requests.
he just doesnt love me. hes selfish.  he cant seem to put anyone b4 himself.  he thinks that he puts the children 1st, but he really doesnt.  in the ways that it counts he doesnt take care of them.  he kps crying about being homeless.  y was it so important for me to find a house to live in? because my children needed a stable place to live.  but he doesnt offer me money for rent to be sure they have a stable place to live.  hes 2 busy worrying but not doing anything about his current situation. 
he doesnt think anything is his responsibility except himself.  the children.   its complicated?  i dont know what....idk perhaps he only thinks they r his responsibilty  when they r in his care.  out of sight out of mind?