im not praying to save my marriage anymore
ive known 4 some time that reconciliation was not possible since my husband wont end his other relationship. i hoped and prayed that if i was loving enuf...if ive prayed enuf that it was possible. im disgusted that he wld even want 2 preach with this relationship still going on; but he does and thinks he shd i fl like hes delusional i know he knows the word of god so hes just choosing not 2 obey these rules where me and our marriage r concerned.
im jealous b/c my daughter is clinging 2 him. i dont like him 4 how hes treting me and im afraid possibly unnecessarily that hell disappoint and unlove her the way that hes done with me. how can someone be so unloving? i get that i have 2 move on and i am, but i cant help wondering how he can continue 2 do what hes doing and i dont know like expect no consequences? how can he think that he shd b preaching gods word. im still hurting, but i c i can no longer be torn and on the fence. im saving 2 move out and my next move will b divorce theres no reason 2 wait.
i dont know if ill date. id like to, but im prob not ready. a part of me wants confirmation that its him and not me. im not looking 4 a commitment...id just like some nice company that i can connect with i had that with someone, but oddly i wasnt physically attracted to him yet i had an affair with him. ridiculous right he loved me and he was kind 2 me at a time when my husband was doing none of that i was still thinking if i gave him some time hed come back and this guy filled the gap in the meantime (filled the gap lol) anyway. im not going back 2 that. i finally ended that relationship b/c i felt convicted. i was no better than my husband.
our reasons for having affairs may have bn dif but having them and continuing them was still wrong. i ended mine and then went back b/c husband wldnt end his. im like then y bother? y bother b/c God sd its right. i wanna b right in gods eyes.
so ive ended that relationship and decided 2 leave it alone.
and im lonely. i still live with my husband. i both love him and am disgusted with him. im afraid 4 him. afraid that hell have a breakdown or just continue 2 b a liar. that hell hurt our children like he hurt me.
if he cldnt love me can he love them?
i asked him did he want 2 stay married until after the baby was born so the baby wldnt b a bastard. he sd he didnt care. i bet hell care if i dont give the child his name. on the one hand id b being spiteful but on the other hand im not going 2 have his name anymore and my child doesnt have 2 have his name either. its my choice entirely and i choose him/her 2 have my fam name.
i really think my h is truly selfish and doesnt think things through. "were still parents" he says.
i dont think hes really thought through what a divorce is going 2 look like. i have. its ugly but necessary. but itll get better.
i c him getting buried by reality and i c myself raising our children w/o him 4 a while. he doesnt do well when he gets overwhelmed he gets terrified and doesnt move.
im 2 emotional? idk, but i cant ignore things...its not in me.
if we raised the children separately/jointly i wld appreciate the down time. i just dont think hell b able 2 kp it up.
no need 2 worry.
im trying 2 take my attn off of him and move it back 2 myself
i guess if we break up and r able 2 do the co parenting thing then i get 2 b more selfish. if he folds then i will parent 4 children w/o their dads. i cant say ill do it alone. i am blessed 2 have a wonderful and caring support system of fam and friends. i know how blessed i am. thank god i didnt isolate myself or else id b all alone.
thank god
im jealous b/c my daughter is clinging 2 him. i dont like him 4 how hes treting me and im afraid possibly unnecessarily that hell disappoint and unlove her the way that hes done with me. how can someone be so unloving? i get that i have 2 move on and i am, but i cant help wondering how he can continue 2 do what hes doing and i dont know like expect no consequences? how can he think that he shd b preaching gods word. im still hurting, but i c i can no longer be torn and on the fence. im saving 2 move out and my next move will b divorce theres no reason 2 wait.
i dont know if ill date. id like to, but im prob not ready. a part of me wants confirmation that its him and not me. im not looking 4 a commitment...id just like some nice company that i can connect with i had that with someone, but oddly i wasnt physically attracted to him yet i had an affair with him. ridiculous right he loved me and he was kind 2 me at a time when my husband was doing none of that i was still thinking if i gave him some time hed come back and this guy filled the gap in the meantime (filled the gap lol) anyway. im not going back 2 that. i finally ended that relationship b/c i felt convicted. i was no better than my husband.
our reasons for having affairs may have bn dif but having them and continuing them was still wrong. i ended mine and then went back b/c husband wldnt end his. im like then y bother? y bother b/c God sd its right. i wanna b right in gods eyes.
so ive ended that relationship and decided 2 leave it alone.
and im lonely. i still live with my husband. i both love him and am disgusted with him. im afraid 4 him. afraid that hell have a breakdown or just continue 2 b a liar. that hell hurt our children like he hurt me.
if he cldnt love me can he love them?
i asked him did he want 2 stay married until after the baby was born so the baby wldnt b a bastard. he sd he didnt care. i bet hell care if i dont give the child his name. on the one hand id b being spiteful but on the other hand im not going 2 have his name anymore and my child doesnt have 2 have his name either. its my choice entirely and i choose him/her 2 have my fam name.
i really think my h is truly selfish and doesnt think things through. "were still parents" he says.
i dont think hes really thought through what a divorce is going 2 look like. i have. its ugly but necessary. but itll get better.
i c him getting buried by reality and i c myself raising our children w/o him 4 a while. he doesnt do well when he gets overwhelmed he gets terrified and doesnt move.
im 2 emotional? idk, but i cant ignore things...its not in me.
if we raised the children separately/jointly i wld appreciate the down time. i just dont think hell b able 2 kp it up.
no need 2 worry.
im trying 2 take my attn off of him and move it back 2 myself
i guess if we break up and r able 2 do the co parenting thing then i get 2 b more selfish. if he folds then i will parent 4 children w/o their dads. i cant say ill do it alone. i am blessed 2 have a wonderful and caring support system of fam and friends. i know how blessed i am. thank god i didnt isolate myself or else id b all alone.
thank god
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