im not just losing a husband...

im losing my best friend.  i allow my h to c me at my very best and at my very worst.  i am rarely ashamed with him.  i may after acting out of character apologize, but i expect him to forgive me.  because he has seen me at my very best 2 and knows better than anyone on earth that this was a moment of crazy amongst many moments of good. 
today i was hanging out at best buy and i saw records.  lps. i couldnt believe it.  i was excited.  my music geek flew out and without thinking i called the only person that i thought wld be as excited as me.  this is not a gf conversation. i called my h.  and he was as excited as me and we exchanged excitement for a few moments b4 i remembered that the person on the other line does not share the feeling of friendship that i feel.
our friendship can be nothing other than one sided. a one sided friendship for christians is not a big deal.  God often has a one sided friendship with us.  but the relationship between a husband and wife, the friendship between people who have been intimate, people whove had sex and children (at least for me) can not be one sided.  it just hurts. 
so i can't have a one sided friendship with him.  so im losing that geeky guy friend who i share certain interests with.  i have no one else to give a transformer decal to.  i have no one else to call and share my excitement about best buy having lps.  i may meet another person who i can share that with.  perhaps.
but right now its yet another loss.
he says i was never his best friend.  that was the beginning of the end.