im not going to let it ruin my ok mood
my biological father... who left my family when i was 2 years old. was a drunk. he never tried to contact us, never called, emailed, wrote. not a single thing. i grew up wishing i knew my father and not understanding why there was someone in my life (step father, hardly even that. more like my little sisters father). someone who tried to play the father figure and did a terrible job. he didnt likke us kids, except his daughter. he was mean. cold. verbally and emotionally abusive to us. physically abusive to my brother (this is my "step father"). he was in my life from 3 years old until 15years. we moved away when i was 14. my mom and him were seperated a couple years after my little sister was born. but they stayed living together for my baby sister, who has spina bidifa. but she can walk and run so shes doing well just alot of operations. well... he was a terrible man. i grew up scared of him. surprisingly i had more guy friends though. it takes alot for someone to gain my trust (my boyfriend knows. when i first met him i didnt even want to be his friend, didnt trust him,. thought he was out to get me. but he was patient and earned my trust and has fought hard to keep it since the day i let him in. anywas i digress). my real father had nothing to do with us. it wasnt until i scoped him out on facebook, in 2010 at 18 years old to find out why he left, and why he never bothered to contact me.
i have talked to him on and off since but nothing where i care to havea relationship with him. i met him once. when he came to meet my twin sisters baby boy and my brother and his girl and i wasnt told he was coming till the day BEFORE he was cioming but i too was invited (this was in 2013). i did go.. did meet him.. still felt ignored from him and by the end of it i still felt i wanted nothing more then a half assed facebook friend with him.
well since i have had my daughter, since i was pregnant with her even, he has wanted to meet her. wanted to be in her life. just today (which is why im writing about it) he has asked if one of these days he could meet her and i said i dont know.
in all honestly i dont know. i dont really want to let him in my life. in my daughters life. i dont care that hes been sober for years. he left me and that hurt. what happens if he were to come into my daughters life, if i let him.. and then a couple years down the road he decides to fuck off again. for all purposes he isnt my daughters grand father. he is nothing to her. nothing at all. nothing to me. blood relation doesnt make you family.
the man my mom has been with since i was 15 years old (i thought he was an ass then too, and he still is sometimes) will be known as grandpa to my baby girl. he at least didnt try to take over a father figure, just a guardian that thought he had rights to what we got to do, and as a legal guardian, my mothers husband he did. though i never called him my step father, never called him dad. i never will. but my daughter will know him as grandpa becasue that is who he is to her. and my best friends father and mother will be grandpa and grandma too and my best friend and her sisters will be known as aunts. there little ones and my daughter will be known as cousins
anyways sorry im rambling. basically i just wanted to write that it pisses me off that he even bothers to ask. he knows i dont like him very much. but im not going to let it ruin my okay mood. why? because today is the second day since the 27th of february where i can actually manage my moods, where im coping. where i havent cried because little girl is fussing or crying. ive managed to cope yeesterday and so far today and some low life wanna be my father now when wasnt when i needed him is NOT going to ruin this mood. no way.
that is all.
i have talked to him on and off since but nothing where i care to havea relationship with him. i met him once. when he came to meet my twin sisters baby boy and my brother and his girl and i wasnt told he was coming till the day BEFORE he was cioming but i too was invited (this was in 2013). i did go.. did meet him.. still felt ignored from him and by the end of it i still felt i wanted nothing more then a half assed facebook friend with him.
well since i have had my daughter, since i was pregnant with her even, he has wanted to meet her. wanted to be in her life. just today (which is why im writing about it) he has asked if one of these days he could meet her and i said i dont know.
in all honestly i dont know. i dont really want to let him in my life. in my daughters life. i dont care that hes been sober for years. he left me and that hurt. what happens if he were to come into my daughters life, if i let him.. and then a couple years down the road he decides to fuck off again. for all purposes he isnt my daughters grand father. he is nothing to her. nothing at all. nothing to me. blood relation doesnt make you family.
the man my mom has been with since i was 15 years old (i thought he was an ass then too, and he still is sometimes) will be known as grandpa to my baby girl. he at least didnt try to take over a father figure, just a guardian that thought he had rights to what we got to do, and as a legal guardian, my mothers husband he did. though i never called him my step father, never called him dad. i never will. but my daughter will know him as grandpa becasue that is who he is to her. and my best friends father and mother will be grandpa and grandma too and my best friend and her sisters will be known as aunts. there little ones and my daughter will be known as cousins
anyways sorry im rambling. basically i just wanted to write that it pisses me off that he even bothers to ask. he knows i dont like him very much. but im not going to let it ruin my okay mood. why? because today is the second day since the 27th of february where i can actually manage my moods, where im coping. where i havent cried because little girl is fussing or crying. ive managed to cope yeesterday and so far today and some low life wanna be my father now when wasnt when i needed him is NOT going to ruin this mood. no way.
that is all.
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