Illusionary Depressionary
My depression has gone on for years b'se I'm obsessed with the memory of a lost relationship. I don't want this obsession however, I feed the obsession every day simply by thinking about it. I've never been able to stop those thoughts. How do you stop yourself from thinking about something?
I used to think that I'm obsessed with "her". But lately I've realized that my obsession is not about her. There has been no social interaction between myself and her for almost four years. My obsession is about memories of her and imagining that she is still with me as my little imaginary friend. I think about past conversations and experiences with her every day. I imagine bonding with her by pretending to have a conversation with her. I do that just about every day but I'm trying to stop.
"Imaginary bonding" When she was in my life what I enjoyed most was bonding with her through heart to heart conversations. After she left I continued having those conversations without her. It's crazy and it's sad. It's sort of like if someone's pet dies, instead of burying it, they continue to cuddle and take care of its deceased body.
I tried to replace her but then I realized that I don't want to obsess over anyone else so I try not to get too close to anyone. So, there's no "rebound" for me. I just have to learn to move on and get over this. Feeling angry about the loss of the relationship and feeling sorry for myself only makes my depression much worse. Hating her for leaving me makes me feel worse too so all I can do is love her and want whatever is best for her. If removing me made her life better then I have to want that for her too.
I used to think that I'm obsessed with "her". But lately I've realized that my obsession is not about her. There has been no social interaction between myself and her for almost four years. My obsession is about memories of her and imagining that she is still with me as my little imaginary friend. I think about past conversations and experiences with her every day. I imagine bonding with her by pretending to have a conversation with her. I do that just about every day but I'm trying to stop.
"Imaginary bonding" When she was in my life what I enjoyed most was bonding with her through heart to heart conversations. After she left I continued having those conversations without her. It's crazy and it's sad. It's sort of like if someone's pet dies, instead of burying it, they continue to cuddle and take care of its deceased body.
I tried to replace her but then I realized that I don't want to obsess over anyone else so I try not to get too close to anyone. So, there's no "rebound" for me. I just have to learn to move on and get over this. Feeling angry about the loss of the relationship and feeling sorry for myself only makes my depression much worse. Hating her for leaving me makes me feel worse too so all I can do is love her and want whatever is best for her. If removing me made her life better then I have to want that for her too.
Replies
I suggest you find something else to occupy your mind. Not always easy. I found one new interest after another for years, not keeping any for very long. Find a variety of things you enjoy. Volunteering/helping others is good. The more you do to get your focus off of yourself and these thoughts, the easier it will get. But it will take time and it\'s not going to be easy.
Telling yourself not to think about her will not work. But you could try telling yourself the truth about the relationship. Tell yourself she\'s not there, you\'re not really having a conversation, the relationship is over, etc. whenever you realize you are having these thoughts. And finish by telling yourself that their are better things to think about. Then go do one of the things you\'ve chosen to help you get your mind off of her.
I\'m praying for you to be successful with this. God cares about you and He will help you if you ask Him.
I just read your journal entry and I guess I can\'t help wondering what the hardm is in having these thoughts about a lost love? If it gives you comfort is it such a bad thing? I don\'t know the answers but just wanted you to know I\'m hoping you can feel strong and good about yourself.
Sorry, I meant \"harm\"
Heidi, The harm is the fact that I can\'t get over it if I pretend it\'s still going on in my mind. I stay in a continual mourning phase. It causes anxiety and depression. I always do that when I loose someone but never for 4 years. Thank you for your comment
Karen, I\'ve thought about that too. Becoming a volunteer. I need to take my mind off myself and my concerns. I\'m extremely socially phobic so it would be a little difficult for me. I have prayed many times about this and I\'m not sure if God is interested. I\'m just tired of tormenting myself by living in the past. I\'ve tried occupying my mind with other things for years and it hasn\'t worked but I will try stopping myself and telling myself that she\'s not really there. Thanks