if it walks like death, quacks like death and flies like death ...

no it's not death, it's autoimmune rearing it's ugly ducky head.  ughhhhh.

trying to be clever but it feels like i've hit a new wall of stupid here. sigh.......feel like i'm standing on the corner of crud & crap. feeling rough. 

felt bad but pushed to go to dinner with sam to discuss serious things, like moving and what to do and how to do it.  basically we've decided that i either need to sell fast to fit with the program guidelines or not sell until i get into the program.  there are times when i wish i had a lawyer chip in sam's brain or mine so we'd know what to do.......

went to Mimi's Cafe by the mall of ga........seemed to offer a nice variety at a good price point.  the best part was the opening bread and butter, after that it was strictly downhill.  i got sick from my food, it went from mild symptoms to full blown can't stand up straight symptoms and overall beeping death crud in one body.  all at once.  feeling lousy.  this is not a one day deal, this is gonna take a while.......not sure if it's all food related or if i just piled on a crash/flare which at some point we all knew would come.......

we'll see, we'll pray........trying hard to be a person today despite it all.  finally got up a little bit ago to wash up, put my hair in a ponytail, pick out a t-shirt dress & sweater to make me feel less doomed......not much more than wearing pj's really, but in my head it feels like i'm trying harder to feel a little better.

i am mourning the way i cut my bangs, it's time to get a new hair trimming SKISSORS already.....sheez.  it's not the worst but it's definitely homemade uh oh.......the left side is shorter than the right side.  don't want to attempt fixing it when i'm wonky.....or i'll end up with teeny tiny shorty short bangs. best to ignore the mirror til i feel a bit better.......

cotton in the washer, all the dishes spread out on the counter are now in the wish washing machine......Rio has fresh litter which means i can breathe easier too.  we have to change that litter every monday or move.  simple as that........i say we but Rio has never helped me.  he watches, he waits and then he goes in to test drive it out.  kicks up litter, digs and plays and does his litter box throne thing.....i suppose we're all kings and queens of the bathroom when it comes down to it!  tmi?  forgive me, i am not a well woman.

i used to have that t-shirt.  it really said "NOT a Well Woman" compliments of one of my sister cause i always had the tendency to accidentally do silly string things.....walk into the men's room by mistake for example and walk back out with my hand over my eyes trying to erase my own mistakes somehow.

so tired......this food thing kicked off a bout with diverticulitis.  something that i seem to forget that i have.....i knew i had problems eating your typical salads, those of the primary lettuce kind, but until i talked to Beth i didn't get that it's truly diverticulitis.  we recently met over an item (a shower chair) she donated to help my pal debra.......anyway i told her how my lower intestine hurt so bad at times that i couldn't stand up straight .....she said on the lower left side, i nodded, she said primarily right here and pointed at her own lower left side , i nodded again to confirm and she said, that's diverticulitis.  easy as pie.......why didn't my gastro doc say this to me about my lower intestine. that it could be a or b or c.......so much suffering.  too tired to be mad at docs today.......anyway life goes on.

deb's stuff in sitting in my trunk......

supposed to take a shift at the museum on thursday from 1 to 4, this week it would be all by myself which sounds just awful......give me a buddy to do this with and i'm a happy kid.  all alone feels like being put in time out.  one white haired tired girl in a room filled with antiques surrounded by more rooms full of antiques.  ugh.  blurgh, wah, baby ruth time, whining like a total wee baby ruth candy bar.  sorry to be so doopy, but i can be a real dooper at times, dooper is the polar opposite of trooper for those wondering......

the dishwasher is so loud, i remade the bedding.....i have this pillow topper that rests on top of the mattress but beneath the sheets and it moves every which way when i toss and turn at night.........it gets all cattywhompus, then i have to throw cotton on the floor, pull things into place, retuck, reshuffle and fluff and pick up and arrange.....it feels like torture while i'm doing it but once it's done i feel peace decend over me and through me.  i think this means i definitely have some o.d.d. going on......cause order gives me calm. order helps me feel content. when things get all crazy or disorganized up in here i feel like i'm being ripped into somehow. 

maybe it's not o.c.d. but a practical way for me to cope on my own?  hmmm, maybe.  the sky is overcast today, looks like rain........sara and derian have said thank you several times for the DIY Wicker Project I did for them........ahhhhh, that feels so nice......hope they will have a party soon......i would like to bring a basket full of things to put over an open firepit.....yup, an old fashioned wienie roast and a s'more party......i really just like a marshmallow or two slightly overdone on a stick .......but don't want to keep anybody else from a chocolaty graham crackery marshmallow reunion outdoors!

glands swollen, body achy from head to toe......i'll live and i'll live better by leaning in and not getting too mentally revved up......stay calm little sparrow.  rest in your nest.  take sanctuary.  friday is dentist appt day......they do a second fitting for the partial denture.  how old does that make me feel......partial fake toothageness in my mouth.  we have to continually adjust to new things, new weirdness......like the partial denture.....a piece that will have to come out at night. not go in a glass by the bed like the olden days, but this image makes me feel like i'm going from 62 to 92 in a NY minute........oooo oooo ooooo.

get over yourself lady.......chill out, it'll be ok.  this device is supposed to help you eat better, try it, it may be a real problem solver, don't judge in advance.......give it a shot. ok, enough sayings......enough cheerleading.  time for bed.......

the yard looks nice, the house looks good and i am less scary than when i got up, so i can rest comfortably in my soft blue bedding.....the sky blue makes me feel like i'm floating in the air, soft pockets of warm delightful air high in the sky. 

hugs, hugs, and more hugs!