If I can\'t do the job, then I need to find someone else

Alphonsus Log: Stardate 1290.0 There was a period in my life when I was forced to choose between the completely unacceptable and the completely intollerable.  Needless to say, I had trouble living with the decision that I ended up making.  What does one do when one can't, quite litterally can't, live with the decisions one has made?  When every moment of life tries to vaporize one's soul?  When even suicide is a completely unacceptable option? I had to do something, but there was nothing to be done, and yet I had to do something, but still there was nothing that could be done. I remember consciously choosing to create an alternate personality.  I couldn't live with being myself, so I therefore created someone else. It was a game, I believe...not an actual schism.  But, game or not, Steve disappeared for a while, and a new character, Alexander Taber, began ruling my life.  Alex was much stronger than I am, and he got me through some very, very difficult days. I am now in a position where failure is NOT an option.  Failure at work would mean the loss of my home, my wife, my daughter...the loss of everything that I am needed for. So, as a stopgap, until I can find a way to make Steve whole again, I once again see little choice but to give him up for a while and become Alex again. Mind game or not, he worked before, and heaven knows I need him again now. If insanity doesn't come when desperately needed, a little extra push from the imagination may be enough to make a difference. Tonight, Steve goes to crawl into a little ball to heal.  Alex is taking over for a while. Thank you for all your suggestions and support.  Steve has been unable to take much advice from what was suggested in my last post.  I'm hoping that Alex can garner more from it. Love and so long for a while, Steve