Idk

Put Idk on title because this will just be a stream of conscious rant and I don't know where I'll go. I woke up this morning feeling bad. Not normal bad. More bad. Sense of foreboding, doom. My husband left today to go visit his family in Tennessee and I miss his grumpy old butt. No sunshine today. Politics in chaos and I worry too much. Looking through my "On This Day" memories in facebook and 7 years ago Cassi sent me a special gift, I reposted it and told the story, and cried. Wondered again how I went from being a proud, grateful but worried Mom to this thing I have become. My blanket didn't arrive today, so I don't know when I will get it. Not tomorrow, then I assume Friday will be busy and mail slow. I saw on the news that President Kennedy was killed on this day, and I know the country was devastated. I am so empathic, so sensitive to energy, wondered if the collective sad energy of that date contributed to my mood when I woke up. Went back to my facebook repost and listened to it, I had not been able to when I first found it. Cried some more. Then it got much worse. I got a text from my sister, her partner Becky had fell and broken her hip. Weird since she is only 33. I called and she was as heavily medicated as they would allow but she was still in nearly unbearable pain. Then...another text. We are a texting bunch...Becky has cancer. NO...no, no, no, no...I called my sister. During the cat scan and other testing they discovered bone cancer in her hips, her spine, and one leg. The mother of my 7 year old nephew. They requested no one come to the hospital. I understand. It's chaotic, she is undergoing tests, she is in pain. My poor sister can barely talk. Her tone is flat. I get it, she is compartmentalizing her emotions as best she can. We are all falling apart, somebody has to keep it together. If she starts crying, she might not stop. I texted my husband and told him, his response...Uh Oh...to give him another chance to appear human, I texted Just wanted to let you know...response, Okay. Sigh I love him, but he leaves a lot to be desired at times. Been trying to research bone cancer, but it's nearly impossible to find answers when I have so little information to go by. They are transporting her to New Orleans to do her surgery on her hip, and at that time they will biopsy the cancer and find out exactly what kind it is. Until then, not much we can do. I spoke to Cancer Treatment Centers of America. Again, with so little information to go on, she just couldn't tell me a lot. They have a center near Atlanta where she said most of their Alabama patients go, and they take her insurance. My nephew, Jack...so smart, so much potential...What if he loses his mother?