Idiot.

My eyes were recently opened wider than they had ever been. After being home schooled and living in my own world for three years, public school was a huge change. Since going back to school, I've realized that I have absolutely no chance at a successful future. You can't pass your classes, you don't graduate. If you don't graduate, you don't get a job. If you can't get a job, you're screwed.
 
I was responsible for passing ONE class. Even though this class was the easiest one my school offered I failed miserably. Anxiety attacks prevented me from going for days at a time. Anxiety and low self-esteem prevented me from doing anything while I was in the class. And my own stupidity prevented me from telling this to anyone. But even if I would have told someone, I'm sure nothing would have been done. That's the way it goes around here.
 
I was placed in a program that offers a proficiency diploma. Since I'm a junior with only one credit, it was the only possible way I could graduate. My mom and sister were ecstatic that I finally had a chance at graduating, and because of that I too was ecstatic. In the beginning I had a lot of confidence. But, along with everything else, the monsters ate at me until it disappeared. I started out at the top of my class. I was ahead of most the kids and my teacher often used me as an example of someone "That was taking this program for all it was worth and getting ahead in life". My mom bragged to her friends, my sister did the same. It was wonderful. It boosted my self-esteem and I was doing really well for once in my life. But, in the end, I always end up disappointing someone. This time I messed things up for everyone. 
Because of this, there is no way I am staying in school. In the state of Colorado, you must be seventeen years of age before you can legally drop out of high school. When I turn seventeen in February, that's the plan. Since I won't graduate if I stay, there is no point. I might as well drop out and start slaving away for minimum wage.
 
I have never hated myself as much as I do now. I continually make these huge, horrible mistakes every time I turn around and I can't seem to stop.