identity

there's a different way of identifying one self in life here on the East Coast in rural Maryland.

As opposed to Los Angeles.

As well that tends to amplify or just morph a lot in intensity while living in a monastery.

I feel well couched and kept snug here a lot of the time - but at times I do yearn for more.

I find myself most at ease with myself and identifying with who I actually am here in my room.

They call it a cell but I will call it a room.

I miss having vanity - and I miss having a sense of control about what I wear

and my weight, what I choose to eat. But I can fix that - That is within my control though it is difficult.

I tend to be kind of detail oriented and though LA can be nice - I kind of felt pressure

and like a fish out of water there because I was not the average joe there. I miss it sometimes - but I have a diffrent way of life now.

I am on a different journey. I hope I am on a way to being more awake and motivated to go for what

I need and want. Again I really miss caring about my appearance and I miss

the intimacy in life quite frankly. Here we have very close relationships in one aspect - our duty to the group and the

elders and to the parish itself - but also people

here are each consumed with their reality - always looking for the affirmation through the spiritual

means they choose and at times they are quite gruff to the humane warm hearted gestures of a common man.

I think they see it as if that person is trying to drag us into their reality - It's a really fucked up

aspect of the monastic life. But it is what it is.

I can't be perfectly fulfilled and I guess that half full feeling - should be considered as such - 

and not half empty which is crucial. I hope it would motivate me to try new things.

I read this online. I just wanted to share it, an article on the most fulfilling jobs in 

America:

It posits good questions to think about

When we looked at new data on which jobs give you the most pride or satisfaction, or serve the community best, one job took the top spot in every category. Source: The Washington Post https://search.app/7xan6Xf2c3dXyF6i9