ican't take much more

I can't do it anymore, i'm already at my breaking point but he keeps pushing me. I feel as if nobody wants me to be truly happy.my depression starts to lesson but then someone needs to feel the need to push me back down. to be honest I have done it to myself at times. I don't know why but every once in a while usually when i'm down I feel the need to look a or do something that I know will upset me. I was doing so good the last few days but then last night I went shopping & 1st it was my financial matters that started to stress me out then I started feeling down due to my lack of self esteem and the fact that I hate what I see in the mirror. woke up with a headache and just feeling down & crappy but tried to make the most out of the day. then while at work I got a text from my mom she had called the cops on my middle son. he gets in a mood when he gets tired (instead of going to bed he acts out) & to make a long story short he got upset with my youngest son pulled 2 knives on him telling him he would kill him. the cops couldn't do anything since it wasn't enough "points" to send him to juvy & he's not 18 so no jail. i'm not wasting my money on the hospital since we have already been told it's behavior not mental. I did find out that he really doesn't want me to sign over custody to his dad like he said while we were at counseling. I just can't take anymore of his shit. the more I have to do on my own the deeper I fall into depression. I hate it and just wish it would end. I know I can't end things for myself it would only hurt my oldest & youngest. I really don't think my middle one would care. I just can't do it anymore.